First Steps Pt. 2

During yesterday’s blog I spent a great deal of time talking about my experiences as an infant in preparation for walking, from: raising my head to learning to balance on all fours as I advanced to crawling.   Thankfully I wasn’t one of the babies that crawled backwards first which would have hindered my abilities.  I wasn’t sharp enough then to use a rearview mirror (didn’t know what one was) or look behind me as I crawled so that could have been disastrous.  Sliding v. crawling wouldn’t have yielded me the results I was looking for either. 

Crawling gave me a new found freedom because it allowed me to get from one side of the play pin to the other or to one of my favorite hangouts, the coffee table.  When I cried my “Daddy, pick me up and place me in front of the coffee table” cry he ignored me.  Not because he was negligent, but because he knew it wasn’t a cry for distress and it was time to allow me to learn some things on my own, like pull myself up and stand on my own.  And that’s exactly what I did. 

I had grown fond of my new hangout and I spent quite a bit of time there because it was my training

ground where my self-confidence grew.  I learned how to maneuver my body and pull myself up (strengthening my core muscles); improved my side step; correcting a fall; holding on with one hand while I held a toy or my bottle in the other.  I was improving my skill at lightening speed and then one day without even realizing it I was standing by myself without my hands on the table as the music and bright colors from the television and grabbed and held my attention, until my sister scared the reality in me when she screamed in excitement that I was standing on my own.  All of that hard work paid off because I finally had enough confidence to take my First Step. 

First steps are very often taken lightly or blown off, but they are huge, no pun intended.  The first step and the last step as far as I am concerned are the most important.  Don’t get me wrong the steps in between are important too, but if you never take a first step there will be no steps in between and if you take the first step followed by the in between but never finish, you will never complete anything.  To ensure balance we need a first step (start); in between (all the things that happen from the time you start until the end) and then you need an end for closure.  Doesn’t that sound pretty simple:  beginning, middle, end?    C’mon, you have to admit that’s a fairly simple concept.  Why is it then that so many people miss it altogether; get stuck somewhere along the way or have no clue at all of the process?  No, that’s not why.  Nope, that’s not it either.  No ma’am, no sir that certainly isn’t it.  The answer my friend is within each of us.  I can’t tell you with certainty: why you’re stuck at the beginning; he’s stuck in the middle; she got to the end and quit and they won’t even try.  I can surmise that it probably has a lot to do with fear. 

Understand that fear is a necessary emotion which is designed to alert us of danger seen and unseen.  When we are afraid and the adrenaline kicks in we can be strengthened to do things we normally wouldn’t: e.g. run faster, yell louder, move weight we normally couldn’t, talk our way out of situations, etc.  It can save our lives and/or the lives of others that may be dependent on us.  But negative unchecked FEAR can be a beast Hon’Tee.  Used in a destructive way it can literally immobilize you; make you want to bury your head in the sand; eat your voice up and make you have several seats,  yes it can.  Have you ever heard the term: … scared him/her to death?  That’s not just a phrase it is a reality.  Some people can become so fearful that their heart stops.

Do you know anyone that allowed a friend or relative talk them out of their dream(s) because they (the friend/relative) didn’t have the vision?

            Guess what, the friend/relative wasn't supposed to have the vision

Do you know anyone who never really addresses the greatness within them, it’s there but they constantly avoid it?

            That’s an example of someone who side crawls standing up like I did at the coffee table

Do you know anyone that had the idea, created a plan, started the process but quit?

            That’s an example of someone who crawls backwards

What about the person who had a great idea(s), they talked about it all the time and it sounded doable but twenty years went by and they are still talking about it?

            That’s an example of someone who is still crawling

So what are you made of?  Are you as big and bad as you try to make people think you are?  Do you have what it takes to command your emotions, feelings or thoughts?  Do you know what it takes to keep yourself in check?

·       It takes courage to take the First Step to break the cycle of addiction? 

·       It takes extreme self-control to take the First Step of denying yourself “pleasures” that give you temporary satisfaction when you’re having one of your moments and you want to: overeat, shop, gamble, have unjustified, illegal sexual activity, etc.. 

·       It takes “hutzpah” to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and take the First Step of overcoming embarrassment, humiliation, after being talked about and lied on in your church, your job or neighborhood after someone tried to make you out to be something that you are not. 

·       It takes humility to forgive your enemy and take the First Step towards reconciliation by asking your offender to forgive you.  I’m talking about the kind of humility that long before or regardless of whether or not they have asked you to forgive them and you make intentional steps to move forward.  

  

What First Step(s) are you denying yourself of?

I’m out of time for now …

Because of His Favor

Tania Not Tanya

First Steps

I cannot remember if it was instinctive for me to transition from crawling to walking or if I just made a decision to start walking on my own but there is one thing for certain, I successfully made the transition.  However, there was a process involved:  learning to hold my head up; rolling over; discovering and strengthening my arms and legs as I kicked and flailed them when I became upset and cried because I was wet, sick, hot, cold, hungry, something itched, I wanted to be held, etc. since I couldn’t speak and make my requests known verbally.  I learned to get up on all fours and balance myself on my knees and through encouragement I finally figured out the art of crawling.

As a skilled crawler I had more exploring capabilities like crawling from one side of the family room (which we called the den way back in the day) to the coffee table which was loaded with interesting shiny things.  But once I got there I couldn’t see them anymore let alone reach them no matter how I strained my little arms and fingers they didn’t come anywhere near the shiny items I saw from across the room.  One day while sitting near the leg of the table, I decided to try to pull myself up but I didn’t really know what I was doing and after falling 3-4 times I gave up from exhaustion, not because I’m a quitter.  Then something magical happened, my mom (who must have been watching me the entire time) picked me up, put me in front of the table and placed my hands on the edges as if to say: “this is how you hold on.”  I held on with a bull dog grip with the dear in the headlight look on my face because I didn’t know what to do next but I knew not to let go.  Hon’tee I was holding that table with a white knuckle grip.  She held me in place long enough for me to instinctively move my left foot slightly to the left and I did the same thing with my right foot and I repeated that motion over and over.  It was like crawling sideways standing up.  Wow!!!  It took a minute, but before I knew it I was on the other end of the table and my mom was smiling from ear to ear.  I never even realized she had let me go.  I looked forward to those times when she would stand me up at the table and let me go (I didn’t know it was a table then, I’m only able to share that with you now because I’m fast learner). 

Anyway, one Saturday evening I decided I wanted to “side crawl” around the table but my mom stepped out of the room, leaving me with my dad who was reading the newspaper and my big sister, Deb, who was watching television.  I crawled over to my Dad and started my “Daddy, pick me up and stand me up at the table” cry.  He moved the paper away from his face long enough to see if I was in distress but he didn’t move a muscle when he realized I wasn’t.   Well, this was frustrating to me, so I cried a little louder as I crawled over to my sister and she turned the television up and ignored me.   Dad found my pacifier, got up and gave it to me and I promptly spit it out as just as he sat down.  He looked at me somewhat puzzled as I continued my: “Daddy, now I’m really mad, pick me up and stand me up at the table” cry but he didn’t understand so when he said: “there’s nothing wrong with you” and put his paper back up to his face I was ticked off and I was not gonna be out done.  With hot tears streaming down my face and snot running down my nose I crawled over to the table, got up on my knees and maneuvered myself to a standing position but I was scared to move because I didn’t quite know how to grab the table top.  Just then my mom came through the family room door and said:  “Oh my goodness, Tania learned how to pull herself up to the table.”   She then placed my hands on the table and I got it.  I flopped back down on my cushioned bottom on purpose, got up on my knees, pulled myself up, incorporated what my mother had just taught me and I was able to grab the table on my own.  Mom was ecstatic as she picked me up, wiped my teary eyes and snotty nose with her red, white and black polka dot apron. 

A few days later I was at my favorite place, the coffee table.  I had made my way to the end of the table when something on the television caught my attention.  I let go of the table and stood there in amazement on my own for about five seconds until my sister, Deb, started screaming like a seal:  “Oh, oh, oh, look at Tan, she’s standing up.”  Well, hon’tee she bout scared the bah-jeebers out of me and I quickly flopped down on my cushioned bottom as I started to cry my “oh my goodness, I’m scared and I don’t know why” cry.  My Uncle Don who was in the room with us, realized Deb had scared me so he rushed over to pick me up in an effort to sooth me, as huge crocodile tears rushed out my tear ducts and down my little plump cheeks.  He then hollered for my mother:  “Hazel, come get Tan, Deb scared her and she won’t stop crying.”  Well, sweetie, I yelled to the top of my lungs in my “Momma, Momma, these idiots are crazy, Deb is squealing like a seal and Uncle don just yelled in my ear, come and get me” cry.  I was terrified, my heart was racing, my stomach was in knots and my palms were sweating (I know that now because I’m a fast learner).  My mom was there in a flash.  She quickly ascertained the situation as she and Uncle Don exchanged the precious cargo, me, and she began to soothe me as only a loving, caring knowledgeable mother can in those special words:  “It’s ok honey, mommy is here; You’re sister didn’t mean to scare you; You know Uncle Don is loud; Don’t cry, sweetie, it’s ok; Now, now now, you’re alright; You’re a big girl.”

Something happened that day.  I learned to stand on my own and I didn’t even realize it until after the commotion.  That night while everyone was asleep, I crawled over to the edge of my crib, pulled myself up by the bars and I let go.  It was a little hard to balance in my shoeless feet in my onesie pajamas but I managed to remain standing, somewhat wobbly, for about three seconds until I fell, but I pulled myself up and I did it again, and again, and again.  

The next day while at my favorite spot I let go of the table and I stood by myself as my mother watched in amazement.  I knew she was excited because she was smiling from ear to ear.  She was near the television because she had just gotten up to change the channel from One Life to Live to General Hospital, and I was as I said at the end of the table.  She held her hands out and said:  “Come to Mommy” as she beckoned for me with her hands.  I wanted to, but I didn’t know what to do and then something said: “move your feet”. I awkwardly moved my left foot and took a step as I desperately tried to keep my balance by holding my little arms up and away from my body.  It kind of looked like a puppet master controlling my feet and arms.  I did the same thing with my right foot and almost fell, but I caught my balance and I looked at my mom.  She continued to encourage me and I took two more steps and just as I was about to fall, she caught me, scooped me up in her arms, twirled me around like a ballerina and said: “I knew you could do it; you’re a big girl, you just took your First Step” as she hugged me and loaded me with kisses.  

I didn’t know it then but all of the practice that I had months earlier mastering the crawl was necessary to strengthen my muscles in preparation for walking.  Using my limbs on either side of my body to develop my lateral coordination, build strength in my thighs, butt, abdomen and knees, all while simultaneously learning to keep my balance and build my confidence.

I know I went down the street, up the hill, around the corner, through the side door to get to the front door, but I did it for a reason.  Can you imagine me as a growed up woman with growed up children and grandchildren still crawling to get from one place to another?  That’s a Selah moment. 

I don’t even want to begin to list the disadvantages I would be facing if I had not made an intentional decision to take my First Step, even the intentional decision to crawl.  Life, growth, development, improvement, change, whatever you want to call it is about deciding whether or not to make the First Step. 

I know that there are some people who believe that if they don’t make a decision they’re safe.  Well, “hollon”, “hollon”, “hollon” shugga let me let you in on a lil something, no decision is still a decision; it’s a decision not to do anything.  It’s a decision to stay in the muddle puddle as Mz. Dee Stewart so eloquently explained to us. 

Oh my goodness, I’m out of time, we’ll have to pick it up later.

Because of His Favor

Tania Not Tanya

Walking on the Rock

Have you ever heard the saying: “You’re (or They’re) about as dumb as a box of rocks?”   The first time I did I chuckled.  But you know me and my creative imagination.  I pictured a person trying to reason with a box of rock only to become completely frustrated because they weren’t getting any responses.  Hilarious.

When I was a kid I distinctly remember a marketing campaign for a Pet Rock.  Say what?  Yes, I said  a Pet Rock.  Some of you remember what I’m talking about because you still have yours.  Did it make money? The Rock sold for $3.95 and creator Gary Dahl unloaded more than five million “rocks” in six months and walked away with $15 million.  The Pets were well taken care of and bilingual, uh huh, sweetie because he imported the rocks Mexico, packaged them in a cardboard box that mimicked a pet carrier – complete with air holes and a bed of straw.  The Rock also came with a 32-page pet training manual with tips and tricks on how to train your new pet to “sit,” “stay,” and “attack.”  The rock’s popularity ended after the 1975 Christmas season. In 2009, a guy named Martin Abrams bought the rights to the Pet Rock, but it never regained its original notoriety.  Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, shame on you.  American’s weren’t going for that fried ice cream twice.

Rather than spend my hard earned money purchasing a rock, I found one similar to the ones Gary sold except it had freckles.  I got a purple marker and wrote “My Pet Rock” on it so no one would throw it away and it was a wrap.  I collected several more unusual rocks to keep my first one company, but grew bored with them and got rid of my collection.

In June 2013 I took my four grandsons on a road trip to South Lake Tahoe all by myself.  It was a big

deal for me because I don’t care to drive long distances.  Something inside urged me to step outside my comfort zone and take these little guys away from the concrete jungle (thank you Shonda Dillehunt) so they could experience nature.  It was the absolute best decision I could have made.  We had a blast and created priceless memories that will be forever etched in our hearts and minds.  I set the expectations before we left the house, packed travel games, snacks, beverages and we were off.  Once we got out of the City on the open highway they were amazed at the scenery but as we entered the mountains they were amazed by the snow they saw on the peaks of the mountains that were within eyesight.  I will never forget the “oohs” and “awes” each of us released as we witnessed God’s creation.  Their excitement was incredibly contagious.  One of our many highlights was entering in and passing through the curvy mountainous road.  The rock formations that we saw were breathtaking and it was the perfect opportunity for a teachable moment about God’s handy-work. 

They were with their Mema and we made a conscious decision to make this trip a memorable adventure, free of drama and a bunch of rules, of course we had to have some rules to maintain a certain amount of civility but they weren’t the everyday: do this, do that kind of rules.  They got to decide what they wanted for meals (with a little guidance from me); when and what snacks they wanted, where we would go, etc.  Those babies were

 transformed into curious little boys who were free to imagine, run, play and laugh until they were done.  We spent 85% of our time at the pool.  On our way back home we remembered certain unique rocks we passed previously.  It was an incredible way to spend the summer, with guys I love more ….

Clearly I’m going somewhere with on these rocks but I’d like to invite you to accompany me on my journey down Discovery Boulevard.  Are you ready?  No you’re not.  I need you to put on your purposeful walking shoes, imagination hat, faith goggles and determination jacket so you can be well prepared.  Now are you ready?  OK, let’s go.   I did a little research on rocks and here’s what I came up with.  There are a variety of categories which include the word rock.  For example:

Edibles:

·       Rock Candy aka Rock Sugar: a type of stick-shaped boiled sugar confectionery

·       Rock Salmon: often referred to as Rock; sold in UK fish and chip shops

·       Hard Rock Café: is a haven for fans of music, food, and entertainment complete with live music, hotels and casinos depending on the location you chose.

National Places:

·       Rock, Kansas; Rock, Michigan; Rock County;  Minnesota; Rock County, Nebraska; Rock, West Virginia; Rock, Wisconsin

Global Places:

·       Rock of Gibraltar:  Have you heard the term “solid as the Rock of Gibraltar?” I knew it was a famous quote but I recently discovered it’s a place.   The saying was born out of the seeming impregnability of a small island in the UK near the border of Spain which gave the impression it was a massive fortress during several wars.

·       Jamaica, an island in the Caribbean is locally referred to as the "Rock"

·       Niue (“knee”), an island near Tonga referred to as the "Rock" by residents

·       Tutuila (“two-two-eelah”), the main island of American Samoa

Sports

Colorado Rockies, a major league baseball team referred to as The Rocks

The Toronto Rock of the National Lacrosse League

The Glasgow Rocks of the British Basketball League

Music:

Rock and Roll Music (e.g. Lil’ Richard, Elvis Presley, etc.); Rolling Stones (Rocks); Rock Music and one of my old school favorites:  Rock SteadyBaby written and performed by Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin.  The song was released in 1971, from the album Young, Gifted and Black. The single reached the #9 spot on the Billboard charts that same year and #2 on the Best Selling Soul Singles chart.  I’m just keepin it 100 (that’s for you Bonita).  We can’t end the (BLOG) on “worldly” music so let’s cross over to Gospel music with Rev. F.C. Barnes who wrote RoughSide of the Mountain. 

Climbing the mountain (one is an option Rev. Barnes but I heard this amazing Carpenter talk about faith possibilities that blew me away.  He said: It is because you don’t have enough faith! But I can promise you this. If you had faith no larger than a mustard seed, you could tell this mountain to move from here to there. And it would. Everything would be possible for you.  Matthew 17:20 (CEV)

Additional Uses of the word Rock

·       Diamond/gem (aka Rock)

·       Human gene ROCK₁: plays a role in cancer and in particular cell motility, metastasis and angiogenesis

·       Rock Cocaine (aka Crack): I would venture to say about 90% of you reading this blog can relate to Crack cocaine in one way or another.  Though it was extremely popular in the 80s there are still residual effects that haunt and yet affect families devastated by this drug in one form or another.  Some of you may remember the devastation experienced by hundreds of thousands of people as the use of this drug destroyed families from all walks of life but in particular economically disadvantaged people.  In my opinion those who suffered the most were the “crack” babies born addicted to this demonic substance and tens of thousands of children who completely missed the opportunity to be raised by loving parents.

I’m out of time for now, let’s pick it up later

Because of His Favor

Tania Not Tanya

Making a List; Checking it Twice Pt. 3

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice, Simon says, you better not piss him off. 

By now we’re well acquainted with Simon and his Help and Offense lists.  I’ve given you my opinion based on passages from my favorite book about: the gift of helping others; love in its purest form – unconditional, nonjudgemental and completely authentic; and the fact that it really is more blessed to give than receive.  I bet some of yawl thought that was a cliché and I floored you when you heard it was a passage from my Favorite Book.  It’s OK, this is Victory and we won’t judge you or creep you out.  None of my observations mean a hill of beans if Simon doesn’t have a truth teller to love him enough to help him reconsider his position. 

Thank God for the ram in the bush, Marvin.  Marvin and Simon have been friends for years.  He knew Simon when he was a behaviorally challenged kid who spent most of his time with his grandparents that lived next door to Marvin.  Marvin was an only child so he and Simon latched onto each other and became like Batman and Robin.  They even had a Cat-Woman, their neighbor, Capresha, who lived across the street from Marvin and Simon’s grandparents.  She wasn’t prissy like the other girls in the neighborhood, she could hang like a lot of the boys except she was prettier and softer. 

After high school graduation Marvin accepted a scholarship at the University of Chicago aka Chicago Booth and was afforded a unique opportunity to continue his studies at their Hong Kong branch where he ultimately lived until about six months ago.  He and Simon always kept in touch using social media platforms but they hadn’t seen each other for several years.  They had aged but they seemed to pick up right where they left off.   However, Marvin thought he detected a bit of cynicism in his friend’s character.  He had always been a people watcher, but he had developed his craft over the past few decades and something about Simon was off, he just didn’t know exactly what.

When Marvin first arrived, he invited Simon to his hotel for dinner and though he didn’t think anything of it, now that he reflected on the evening, he recalled that Simon insisted on paying for dinner.  That Saturday they met up at the neighborhood barbershop but before entering, Simon told Marvin the “cuts” would be on him because he had a hook up.  “A hook up” Marvin thought to himself, “how is it possible to have a barbershop hook up, but whatever?”  After they got out of the chair, he overheard Simon remind the young barber, Rob, about helping him previously.  There was an exchange of words, it didn’t get heated or loud, but the atmosphere changed immediately.  Their body language said it even if they didn’t.  There was a problem.  Marvin had become an expert at diffusing situations and he could tell that his skills were needed.  As they were about to leave the shop, he doubled back, pulled out two crisp $20 bills from his front left pocket, placed it in Rob’s hand, thanked him and gave him a man hug.  As soon as he released Rob from the man hug, he heard Simon suck his teeth like an eleven year old kid.  Something he always did whenever he felt like he had been “one-upped’.  Marvin couldn’t believe what he was hearing and experiencing.  Simon is 35 years old and still pouts like a spoiled brat.  Unbelievable.  The more he thought about the last 30 days of being home the more he realized that Simon was an immature, egotistical, manipulative, control creep that he absolutely loved as a brother and refused to allow him to grow old, cynical, misunderstood, bitter and alone.  Something happened to his friend while he was away and he was going to find out what.

He continued to watch Simon’s behavior and the more he did, the sadder he became because he had become the person he swore he never would.   Simon’s family seemed even needier now than when they were teenagers; but rather than call on their parents (his grandparents now deceased) they called on Simon who had subscribed to their dysfunctional needy behaviors on purpose.  He remembered Daddy Saes, Simon’s grandfather being a short stout gentle man, but Momma Saes was navy blue, 4’10” and full of fight.  She didn’t take nothing off anybody and she ran her house like a drill sergeant with an insatiable need to be in control of everything, do you hear me.  Everything was regimented, even her sex life.  Yup, you heard me.  Her and Daddy Saes would go to their room every Sunday at 5:00pm and for exactly 5 minutes you heard nothing but squeaky floor boards and then like clockwork Daddy Saes came downstairs, winked at Marvin and Simon (if they were in his pathway), got his dessert and went back up to Momma where they stayed for the rest of the evening.  But the control she had over her adult children was mesmerizing and they were crazy enough to let her control them.  Well maybe that’s a strong word.  Crazy is normal to you until you step outside your familiar surroundings and take a close look at them through a different pair of lenses.  Marvin learned to love Momma Saes but she was a cold piece of work.   

The obvious signs of a narcissist that he saw live and in living color had been hidden for all the years they communicated.  Marvin was deeply saddened to see that Simon had adopted many of the negative characteristics that they both witnessed in Momma Saes.  The older she got the meaner she became as the bitterness oozed from her pores to the point it became a challenge to find people to assist with her care as she became terminally ill.  He loved his brother-friend too much to see that happen to him, besides, if he kept this nonsense up he was never gonna find a woman.  He decided he had assessed his friend long enough, it was time for a truth telling session.  He had no idea what the outcome would be, but he refused to accept defeat or offense.  He prayed and asked God for help, not something that he did often enough, but he was getting better. 

He invited Simon over to his new home in Danville adjacent to the newly renovated golf course. Simon loved to play golf but rarely had the opportunity to do so.  When he arrived at the club the first thing he tried to do was pay for their session but when he discovered Marvin was expensing their entertainment you would have thought Simon had seen a ghost.  Marvin decided that would be the way to start the conversation when the time was right.  After their golf game in which Marvin whooped the socks of his friend they headed to Marvin’s townhouse in a golf cart.  All of a sudden Marvin burst out laughing and said: “Dude are you having a silent temper tantrum right now?  Are you serious?”  At which point Marvin was doubled over laughing.  He had to stop the cart and get out to get the laugh out.  Simon was furiously embarrassed but Marvin’s infectious unending laughter made him chuckle and before he knew it he was bent over laughing too.  He hadn’t done that in ages.  They had laughed so hard that they were both crying by the time they had calmed down.  As they continued the ride to Marvin’s townhouse they both chuckled intermittently.  As they ate their meal, Marvin skillfully used that temper tantrum incident as the launching pad for their much needed conversation, actually it started off as a monologue.  After about 10 minutes Simon couldn’t take any more of the truth telling and attempted a hostile takeover but that crap didn’t work with Marvin, it never had.  Marvin continued speaking as if he didn’t even hear Simon and did so for another 20 minutes until the point that Simon was in tears again, except this time it wasn’t from laughter.  Marvin went hard in the paint on him, there was no mercy but he did demonstrate grace as the Holy Spirit spoke through him to his friend. 

Simon confessed about the lists (that he had on his possession).  Marvin asked him if he would be willing to get rid of them.  Simon was quiet for at least eight minutes (another one of his control tactics because the person who speaks first loses but Marvin refused to lose today because his friends sanity and very life depended on him being strong).  Simon finally agreed to destroy the lists but under one condition; that they burn the list and release the ashes in the air to symbolize what God does when he forgets our sins.  Marvin knew it was a futile attempt at control which he gladly allowed because it was time for Simon to take control of his life. 

I’m out of time for now.

Because of His Favor

Tania Not Tanya

Making a List; Checking it Twice Pt. 2

Yesterday we were introduced to a gentlemen by the name of Simon, who, like many people decided he wanted to make some impactful changes in his life as opposed to making New Year’s resolutions.  The upside is that he is great at setting goals but he sucks at implementation primarily because he does not write his goals down, create a time line or carry them out.  He has “legitimate” excuses, but excuses only satisfy those who make them.      

We also discovered that he is pretty much obsessed with saving things he considers important such as receipts, lists, etc.   Two of the lists he keeps strike me as odd: 1) a help list which contains the names, dates and type of help he gives to others each year; and 2) an offense list which tracks the offenses be believes have been levied against him so that he can pay the offenders back accordingly and in most cases with interest.  I said it yesterday and I will say it again today, I have major challenges with Simon's help and offense lists.  The reason?  Because he says he has the gift of helping others.  

If he has the gift of Helps it should translate into a passion for genuinely helping, which translates into willingness, which translates into joy which translates into strength and ideas on how to give so much so often that he forgets who he helps because it’s not about him (or his list).  This dude seems to have the spirit of loaning things to others and keeping a detailed list as opposed to freely giving of himself or the resources he has been blessed with.   I found a passage from my favorite book which contradicts Simon’s actions:  Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.  1 Peter 4:11 (NLT)

Tania Not Tanya nugget:  Simon apparently ripped that page out of his instructional manual as well as these:

If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister[a] in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person?  1 John 3:17 (NLT);

And I have been a constant example of how you can help those in need by working hard. You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”  Acts 20:35 (NLT).  

My understanding of the gift of helping others is that you give to others without an expectation tied to your giving which can be: financial, spiritual, emotional, but it is generally something tangible.  If I give you something it means that I do so voluntarily without expecting any compensation.  If I loan you something I have an expectation that you will repay me, not necessarily dollar for dollar and/or there may or may not be a timeline associated with the loan, but there is absolutely an expectation of repayment.  While Simon may or may not expect a monetary return for the help he gives he may expect some other type of return (e.g. a hookup for something – favor, etc.).  His giving has addendums attached to it and he gives with ulterior motives.  It’s not sincere, well I take that back, it is sincere, it’s just sincerely wrong.  Why else would he keep track of the help he gives?  Secondly, who keeps a list of offenses?  People who are vindictive.  How can Simon justify vindictive behavior?  

Simon clearly missed some very important lessons.  One in particular that stands out was the one that Jesus taught about forgiveness and offenses.  Check this out:

Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21-22 (NLT)   

Tania Not Tanya nugget:  In the verses above Peter, one of Jesus’ ride or dies, hoped to sound extremely generous and loving by suggesting forgiving an offender up to seven times.  What was so significant about seven?  During their lifetime the Jewish Rabbis taught that you were doing well if you forgave a person up to  three times, so when Peter suggested forgiving up to seven times he thought he was going above and beyond, however, Jesus went hard in the paint when he said, “Naw, Bruh, 70 times 7 which equals 490 times.  Can you imagine the dumb dear in the headlights look Peter gave Jesus?  How about a huge blank stare!!!!  Basically Jesus was saying we are to forgive our offenders an unlimited number of times, besides, who would keep count except Simon, I’m just sayin ….

Let’s keep it one hunid.  In and of ourselves we are not able to forgive people repeatedly.  It is nothing but the love of God, obedience, humility, fasting, praying and keeping our nose in the word that we are able to look beyond an offender’s actions and love him/her.  I’m not telling you something I think, I’m telling you something that I have lived through personally and I’m talking recent intentional love to people that were not always lovable.

The human side of you wants to “handle yah business”; let people know that you ain’t no punk and that you’re not gonna take this, that and the third.  But what would that prove?  That you’re just another double agent, fake Christian living one way while you’re around the church folk and the opposite when you’re with your peoples, only to confirm that you can’t skate on top of a hill because you can’t see in the dark since your light is out.  Not only will you destroy your witness if you “go there” but you will taint the witness of other Believers who had no part to play in your drama or unseemly behavior.  Christianity is not something that we change like an outfit, it is supposed to be like a tattoo, a permanent fixture that can’t be erased, it should be proudly displayed for all to see.  We are to wear our beliefs loud and proud.  Oh, wait a minute, I went off on a tantrum, I forgot all about Simon.

Let me close on this as I did yesterday:  Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged … 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (NLT).  If love doesn’t keep records of being wrong, then it must be hate – the exact opposite of love.

When you have the genuine love of God down in your heart it will allow you to say “no” to your desires to get even and turn your hurt, bruised, tattered, shattered heart to God so that he can lovingly mend it back together again.  I’ll leave you with this last passage: The end of the world is coming soon. Therefore, be earnest and disciplined in your prayers. Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:7-8 (NLT)

I’m out of time for now.

Because of His Favor

Tania Not Tanya

Making a List; Checking it Twice

Simon saves everything of importance.  He has receipts that date back 15 years.  He recently invested in a NEAT scanner because the thermal paper used at most businesses to print receipts begins to disappear after a few months, sometimes a few months.  

He doesn’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions but tried each year to set goals he believed were attainable.  Like many of his friends he didn’t bother to write them down because he had a memory like an elephant, the only problem was that by the end of the first quarter of the New Year he always found himself overwhelmed with projects that trumped his goals and so his goals were put on the back burner. Why?  Simon came from a huge needy family and he had not yet learned to say “no” to their numerous requests.  Now don’t get it twisted, he wasn’t a punk or a sucker, his family just had a lot of needs.  This pattern had repeated itself for decades but this year, he decided was going to be different.  Twenty Fourteen was a year of growth and prosperity, not necessarily financially because there was no lack in that area, but emotionally and spiritually, because he had to fight for what he wanted and each victory yielded more confidence and determination.  After what seemed like an eternity, he finally found his footing and had embraced his new normal though it still didn’t fit quite right.  His new normal reminded him of a brand new pair of tennis that he had to break in, but once they were broken in, they were just right, custom fit to his mildly deformed feet.  That’s a whole other story we don’t have time for.

As he meditated on the battles and victories of 2014 he decided that 2015 was going to be a year of rest as defined by the biblical meaning of 15.  Not helping people wasn’t an option because he was certain that he had been blessed with the gift of helping others as described in a passage from his favorite book: 

Here are some of the parts God has appointed for the church: first are apostles, second are prophets, third are teachers, then those who do miracles, those who have the gift of healing,

those who can help others, those who have the gift of leadership, those who speak in unknown languages.  1 Corinthians 12:28 (NLT)

He was clear that he was operating in his lane, he just had to get better at prioritizing the help and creating healthy boundaries to avoid burnout.  He knew it would probably ruffle some feathers so when and if it did he would be prepared with a good sound response and plan of action.

I know you might be thinking that I’m rambling, but I assure you I am not.  If you will recall, I stated earlier that Simon saves and/or keeps track of everything.  He even has lists which contain the names, dates and type of help he gives each year.  I’m not playing.  He created an excel spreadsheet to automate his list and make it easily accessible.  He can sort by: name; date; frequency; help type – financial, emotional, physical, and spiritual, etc. complete with a pie chart that aided him in determining whether or not he should offer any additional help to the individual(s) for the quarter or year. 

That’s a little special, but what is even more baffling is his offense list.  Yes, I said offense list.  Initially he kept a mental list but came up with the ingenious idea to model his “help list” thus creating an offense list.  Very few people know it but he keeps a list of offenses that he believes have been levied against him.  He’s so “gangsta” with it that when someone offends him – wait, let me rephrase that because being offended is a choice -- when he accepts an offense from someone, the offender won’t really know that he is angry because he rarely shows emotion.  Instead, he edits his offense list and waits for the perfect time to get even and you better trust, he is going to get you back even if it takes years.  He is not two-faced at all, he is very calculating and unassuming.  He will continue to oblige you, engage in conversations, share a meal, sit next to you in church, at the club, etc. but Simon is studying his offender, collecting information and calculating his next move.

Yes, of course Simon is a believer, he’s been “in the church” for decades!  His great uncle Ben was the founder of the church, he is a bible scholar, tither, has held every position you can think of and one of his responsibilities is a senior counselor which exposes him to sensitive information about people who seek their counsel.  I’m not saying that he has or currently usurps his position to obtain inflammatory information that can be used later against someone that has crossed him, excuse me, whom he believes offended him or whatever you wanna call it, I’m just saying there have been several coincidental discoveries made, revealed and used against his offenders. 

Now I’m not judging him, I work very hard today not to judge peoples, but, I am a pretty good fruit inspector, so the challenge I have with this behavior is that it is completely un-biblical.  How?  I’m so glad you asked.  I found several passages from my favorite book that can substantiate my concerns.  Listen to this: 

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.  If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.  1 Corinthians 13: 1-7 (NLT)

I’m out of time for now, let’s pick it up later

Because of His Favor

Tania Not Tanya