Making a List; Checking it Twice Pt. 3

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s gonna find out who’s naughty or nice, Simon says, you better not piss him off. 

By now we’re well acquainted with Simon and his Help and Offense lists.  I’ve given you my opinion based on passages from my favorite book about: the gift of helping others; love in its purest form – unconditional, nonjudgemental and completely authentic; and the fact that it really is more blessed to give than receive.  I bet some of yawl thought that was a cliché and I floored you when you heard it was a passage from my Favorite Book.  It’s OK, this is Victory and we won’t judge you or creep you out.  None of my observations mean a hill of beans if Simon doesn’t have a truth teller to love him enough to help him reconsider his position. 

Thank God for the ram in the bush, Marvin.  Marvin and Simon have been friends for years.  He knew Simon when he was a behaviorally challenged kid who spent most of his time with his grandparents that lived next door to Marvin.  Marvin was an only child so he and Simon latched onto each other and became like Batman and Robin.  They even had a Cat-Woman, their neighbor, Capresha, who lived across the street from Marvin and Simon’s grandparents.  She wasn’t prissy like the other girls in the neighborhood, she could hang like a lot of the boys except she was prettier and softer. 

After high school graduation Marvin accepted a scholarship at the University of Chicago aka Chicago Booth and was afforded a unique opportunity to continue his studies at their Hong Kong branch where he ultimately lived until about six months ago.  He and Simon always kept in touch using social media platforms but they hadn’t seen each other for several years.  They had aged but they seemed to pick up right where they left off.   However, Marvin thought he detected a bit of cynicism in his friend’s character.  He had always been a people watcher, but he had developed his craft over the past few decades and something about Simon was off, he just didn’t know exactly what.

When Marvin first arrived, he invited Simon to his hotel for dinner and though he didn’t think anything of it, now that he reflected on the evening, he recalled that Simon insisted on paying for dinner.  That Saturday they met up at the neighborhood barbershop but before entering, Simon told Marvin the “cuts” would be on him because he had a hook up.  “A hook up” Marvin thought to himself, “how is it possible to have a barbershop hook up, but whatever?”  After they got out of the chair, he overheard Simon remind the young barber, Rob, about helping him previously.  There was an exchange of words, it didn’t get heated or loud, but the atmosphere changed immediately.  Their body language said it even if they didn’t.  There was a problem.  Marvin had become an expert at diffusing situations and he could tell that his skills were needed.  As they were about to leave the shop, he doubled back, pulled out two crisp $20 bills from his front left pocket, placed it in Rob’s hand, thanked him and gave him a man hug.  As soon as he released Rob from the man hug, he heard Simon suck his teeth like an eleven year old kid.  Something he always did whenever he felt like he had been “one-upped’.  Marvin couldn’t believe what he was hearing and experiencing.  Simon is 35 years old and still pouts like a spoiled brat.  Unbelievable.  The more he thought about the last 30 days of being home the more he realized that Simon was an immature, egotistical, manipulative, control creep that he absolutely loved as a brother and refused to allow him to grow old, cynical, misunderstood, bitter and alone.  Something happened to his friend while he was away and he was going to find out what.

He continued to watch Simon’s behavior and the more he did, the sadder he became because he had become the person he swore he never would.   Simon’s family seemed even needier now than when they were teenagers; but rather than call on their parents (his grandparents now deceased) they called on Simon who had subscribed to their dysfunctional needy behaviors on purpose.  He remembered Daddy Saes, Simon’s grandfather being a short stout gentle man, but Momma Saes was navy blue, 4’10” and full of fight.  She didn’t take nothing off anybody and she ran her house like a drill sergeant with an insatiable need to be in control of everything, do you hear me.  Everything was regimented, even her sex life.  Yup, you heard me.  Her and Daddy Saes would go to their room every Sunday at 5:00pm and for exactly 5 minutes you heard nothing but squeaky floor boards and then like clockwork Daddy Saes came downstairs, winked at Marvin and Simon (if they were in his pathway), got his dessert and went back up to Momma where they stayed for the rest of the evening.  But the control she had over her adult children was mesmerizing and they were crazy enough to let her control them.  Well maybe that’s a strong word.  Crazy is normal to you until you step outside your familiar surroundings and take a close look at them through a different pair of lenses.  Marvin learned to love Momma Saes but she was a cold piece of work.   

The obvious signs of a narcissist that he saw live and in living color had been hidden for all the years they communicated.  Marvin was deeply saddened to see that Simon had adopted many of the negative characteristics that they both witnessed in Momma Saes.  The older she got the meaner she became as the bitterness oozed from her pores to the point it became a challenge to find people to assist with her care as she became terminally ill.  He loved his brother-friend too much to see that happen to him, besides, if he kept this nonsense up he was never gonna find a woman.  He decided he had assessed his friend long enough, it was time for a truth telling session.  He had no idea what the outcome would be, but he refused to accept defeat or offense.  He prayed and asked God for help, not something that he did often enough, but he was getting better. 

He invited Simon over to his new home in Danville adjacent to the newly renovated golf course. Simon loved to play golf but rarely had the opportunity to do so.  When he arrived at the club the first thing he tried to do was pay for their session but when he discovered Marvin was expensing their entertainment you would have thought Simon had seen a ghost.  Marvin decided that would be the way to start the conversation when the time was right.  After their golf game in which Marvin whooped the socks of his friend they headed to Marvin’s townhouse in a golf cart.  All of a sudden Marvin burst out laughing and said: “Dude are you having a silent temper tantrum right now?  Are you serious?”  At which point Marvin was doubled over laughing.  He had to stop the cart and get out to get the laugh out.  Simon was furiously embarrassed but Marvin’s infectious unending laughter made him chuckle and before he knew it he was bent over laughing too.  He hadn’t done that in ages.  They had laughed so hard that they were both crying by the time they had calmed down.  As they continued the ride to Marvin’s townhouse they both chuckled intermittently.  As they ate their meal, Marvin skillfully used that temper tantrum incident as the launching pad for their much needed conversation, actually it started off as a monologue.  After about 10 minutes Simon couldn’t take any more of the truth telling and attempted a hostile takeover but that crap didn’t work with Marvin, it never had.  Marvin continued speaking as if he didn’t even hear Simon and did so for another 20 minutes until the point that Simon was in tears again, except this time it wasn’t from laughter.  Marvin went hard in the paint on him, there was no mercy but he did demonstrate grace as the Holy Spirit spoke through him to his friend. 

Simon confessed about the lists (that he had on his possession).  Marvin asked him if he would be willing to get rid of them.  Simon was quiet for at least eight minutes (another one of his control tactics because the person who speaks first loses but Marvin refused to lose today because his friends sanity and very life depended on him being strong).  Simon finally agreed to destroy the lists but under one condition; that they burn the list and release the ashes in the air to symbolize what God does when he forgets our sins.  Marvin knew it was a futile attempt at control which he gladly allowed because it was time for Simon to take control of his life. 

I’m out of time for now.

Because of His Favor

Tania Not Tanya