In
Part 1 of the Lowest or Least Common Denominator (abbreviated LCD) I shared
some very basic information about the mathematical principals of fractions and
the necessity to find an LCD when using fractions that have uncommon
denominators (e.g. ½ + ¼ = __). If you
attempt to solve this equation, any answer used to fill in the blank will be
wrong because it is against mathematical law to add or subtract two or more
uncommon fractions. End of discussion,
put a period in that ‘thang’ and start a new book. You cannot go backwards, to the left, right
or forward until you do the necessary work.
It’s impossible because you will be wrong every cotton pickin’ time you try. PAY ATTENTION. Listen at me!!! :)
At
best, you will be stuck until you find the equation’s LCD. The challenge with being stuck is that it opens
the door for impatience which can lead to frustration which prevents us from
thinking logically. I believe that frustration
is designed to distract us from discovering the answers within. Frustration can open the door for us to think
with our emotions which pave the way for the brothers: Shudda Cudda Wudda; Ms.
This, Ms. That and her sister, Other.
They’re all good at telling you about all the Other things that Cudda
happened if you Wudda done This or That.
If you’re not careful, Shudda, the shrewdest of them all, will lure you
into the trap of accusation and blame for what you Shudda done, because had you
done it, this DRAMA (dreading reality and manipulating actuality) Cudda and
Wudda been avoided altogether.
Tania
Not Tanya nugget: Lord knows there are
times that all those jokers: Shudda, Cudda, Wudda, This, That and Other show up
unannounced ready to party. First of
all, I don’t party, at least not like that.
However, every now and again they catch me off guard when I’m tired,
frustrated, distracted, etc. But to make
matters worse, they will show up with extras like Mother Doubtfiya, who is as
smooth and subtle as organic molasses.
You know the super dark kind that’s extra thick and takes about 5
minutes to pour. Yes, that kind. Not too long ago they showed up and causing
me to wonder about some choices I made over the last three decades. Mother skillfully tried to get me to believe
her sweet accusations but I quickly realized I had to avoid those sweet
seductions or I would end up trapped in her sticky darkness if I allowed my
mind to replay events in my life that I cannot change. Not only would this create DRAMA (dreading
reality and manipulating actuality) for me but it would impact those around me
who may be innocent. I had to stop and
decide whether to avoid Mother’s molasses they only way I could make them leave
was to call for Praise and Worship to rescue me and they all ran off. LOL!1 Listen, we must avoid self-imposed and
externally motivated DRAMA at all costs or we may find ourselves in the pit of
despair, depression and/or bitterness with no escape.
This
is a great Segway to the heart of my topic.
Do you remember Jack and Jill?
No, not the nursery rhyme. The
Christian couple (from Part 1) who have three children whom they are trying to
co-parent. I say trying because they are
experiencing major challenges; not because they are abusive, neglectful,
economically or educationally challenged.
They’re struggling because they’re stuck. Stuck in blame, anger, resentment, etc. and
neither of them will take responsibility for the role they played in their
failed relationship. Sadly, they’re both
too stubborn to cooperate because they’re both ALWAYS right even when they’re
wrong as two left shoes and counseling (spiritual or professional) is beneath
them. In addition to being stuck they
are clueless as to the negative impact their stuck-ness has on their
children. The level of toxicity these
two fire baptized, born again, foot stompin’, bible thumpin saints have created
is deadly, not just for them, but for their children who are helpless.
Before
you read any further, you may want to get your proverbial steel toe boots and
lace them up good and tight because I’m gonna stomp on some toes. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Now
let’s get back to Jack and Jill. Their
relationship may appear to be hopeless, but it’s not. I don’t say that because they are Believers
who can call on God. They can call on
God all they want but if they are not willing to do the work, it won’t mean a
hill of beans. My definition of the work
necessary is:
- Solving the equation (defined as: the act of equating or making equal; equalization). They need to realize there is no less or greater than in this equation, they are both equal as co-parents. Unless, of course, the court has deemed something differently.
- Identifying the Least Common Denominator. The LCD is the least common multiple of the denominators of a fraction. I know this may sound like a stretch but bear with me.
In my sanctified imagination, Jack is denominator A and Jill is denominator B as they are both two separate people who used to be one. At the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. Because of this, a man should leave his father and mother and be joined together with his wife, and the two will be one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, humans must not pull apart what God has put together.” Mark 10:6-9 (GNT). They made the choice to pull apart what God put together and in so doing created a fraction of a family. Part A (Jack) lives/operates in one location with multiple sets of challenges, values, morals, etc. and Part B (Jill) the complete opposite with all her DRAMA (dreading reality and manipulating actuality). Nothing about these denominators is equal anymore, however, their three children will forever be connected to this equation in the role as numerators split evenly between the two unequal denominators.
The only way to identify the LCD is for at least one parent to become selfless, put their emotions, feelings, expectations, frustrations, etc. to the side and take a solution oriented stance by discovering the root of the DRAMA. It’s not co-parenting at all, it’s just surfacing through the co-parenting. The root is may be unresolved feelings they have towards each other. Who am I talking to???? Until and unless they begin the painful work of peeling back the inner layers they will never get it right. However, with the right motivation the LCD can be identified. Without prophesying, speaking in tongues and being super spiritual I can give you the answer, not just for Jack and Jill but for you too. Ready? You sure? The Least Common Denominator is the child(ren). I say least because that is how Jesus referred to the children in Luke 9:48: ..., “Whoever welcomes this child in my name, welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me, also welcomes the one who sent me. For the one who is least among you all is the greatest.” We often refer to and treat children as though their opinions don’t matter, we count them out of major decisions so on and so forth including divorce. So, the Least (the children) among you (the co-parents) is the Common Denominator (the common thing both parents have) that can serve as the catalyst to begin the work. I realize it may appear to be a dirty four letter word to some people but it doesn’t negate its necessity.
Think
about it. If there were no children,
there would be no need for the co-parents to interact, right? But because they exist it’s imperative for the
co-parents to use the LCD to your advantage rather than viewing it as a
disadvantage.
Tania
Not Tanya moment: You might wanna
tighten the laces on your boots up and through here because it’s about to get rough.
Jack
and Jill are fictitious characters, let’s keep this thang one hunid.
· You ma’am, are not
greater because you carried the baby nine months
· You sir, are not better
because you planted the seed in the mother’s womb
· Neither of you are
greater or better due to your degrees, income, intelligence, height, hue,
family name or because you “say” you love for the child(ren)
Stop,
stop right there. Do you really love
your children? I mean seriously. Do you love them enough to do the work so you
can get unstuck? Do you love them enough
to behave like an adult and attempt to get along with your co-parent? I don’t mean reconciling the marriage; if
it’s over and done so be it. Can you set
your selfish prideful thoughts aside to Try
to be at peace with everyone, and try to live a holy life, because no one will
see the Lord without it. because … we
must always aim at those things that bring peace and that help strengthen one
another. Hebrews 12:14 (GNT) and Romans 14:19 (GNT) respectively. If your life or that of your children is at
risk (confirmed danger) or you have selflessly tried counseling, mediation,
court system but the absent parent refuses to cooperate, I’m not talking to you. Everyone else though is probably operating at
the maturity level of a selfish kid with entitlement issues, bully
inclinations, sabotage for security, delusional cause they don’t get and/or they’re
afraid. Afraid of what? You fill in the blank.
I
know this may have felt harsh, but that’s how tough love feels sometimes. But if you will take this tongue lashing to
heart, I believe it can save your nerves, money and time in and out of the
court system. It may even assist you
with the healing process necessary to begin the work in order to live your life
in peace as it relates to co-parenting and raise your children in a wholly
balanced and healthy atmosphere.
Anything else is unacceptable because our children deserve the best.
Do
it for the kids …
Tania
Not Tanya
Servant
Author Teacher
No comments:
Post a Comment