Before
we dive into today’s declaration (blog) let’s recap a little of our discussion
yesterday. You should know by now how
well I love to tell stories, not lies, fabrications, falsehoods, stories, the
kind you make up with fictitious characters like: Cinderella, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, The Wiz, etc. This declaration is a story to,
except its part of my journey for real.
Yesterday
I shared that prior to Carl (my husband) and I being laid off, we felt a shift in the atmosphere,
something was off balance at work but we weren’t certain what. As the weeks passed, it became clear to us
that it was related to our positions but we weren’t exactly sure what. Carl
was ultimately laid off in June 2010, he picked up some contractual work and
started receiving unemployment benefits but it wasn’t close to his net
income. I was selected to play the game
of employer v. employee chess, without being asked, and let me tell you, they
didn’t play fair at all. It became frustrating
to see people lie right in front of me. So
many times I had to hold my tongue when I wanted to say: “Girl, quit playin’
you know you lyin’. You can’t even look
me in my eyes.” But it would have been a
waste. Thirteen months after Carl was
laid off, I was too. I never in a
million years would have imagined that we would both be collecting EDD benefits
at the same time. The lay-off was humiliating because I allowed it to be, but it was ugly
because they made it ugly, more like, we’ve restructured your position and it
has been dissolved, so pack your stuff and get out. We have an escort for you, Loss Prevent, that
will keep a watchful eye on you as you pack your stuff and then they will
escort you out of the building, so don’t let the door hitcha where the good
Lord splitcha; oh and one mo’ thang, you are under Goodwill’s gag order so you
bet not say nuthin’ about us layin’ you off to your co-workers, the community,
the media, or anybody you can think of. Can
you say blank stare? Can I tell you that
I was so angry that my entire body was shaking to maintain my control,
composure and my good Christian walk?
Be
careful what you pray for: I don’t mean
this in a negative way, I really mean you need to give
Tania
Not Tanya nugget: I hear you, but what
about the scripture that says: Keep on
asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will
find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7 (NLT). This scripture gives us the right to make our
requests known to God, it does not tell us that we get to tell God how or even
when to answer our prayers. I have said
this before and I will say it again, our primary job is to obey, plain and
simple; it is not to tell God how to do anything. Why would he listen to us anyway especially
since he knows our past, present and future and he knows everything and is
everywhere all at the same time. Listen,
I don’t know about you, but left up to my own devices I am guaranteed to make a
mess of things even when I mean well. I
need God’s direction, his guidance and his favor in my life. I don’t ever want to have to depend solely on
me. Not today, not tomorrow, not
ever. I’m not ashamed to say: “God, I
need you; help me make the right choice(s), help me not to miss your timing,
help God help. We can barely see our
hands in front of our face and that’s on a good day. We have gotten ourselves
to our existing predicament, why in the world would we want to listen to
ourselves, I guess I do it to entertain
myself, because there is no way that I can dictate to God how he should or
should not do something, when, or whom he should involve.
Approximately
one year after praying and asking God to bless us with the resources to start
our own nonprofit right down to the paperclips we needed, God answered our
prayer, he just answered in a completely different way than I imagined. My thought was that he would bless us to get
funding, secure a building, staff and start to build the program, but that’s
not quite what he had in mind. Carl and
I considered ourselves matured Christians but there was some very necessary
pruning that needed to take place before he could release this assignment to
us.
·
Pruning: to cut or lop off (twigs, branches, or
roots); to rid or clear of (anything superfluous or undesirable); to remove
(anything considered superfluous or undesirable).
o Superfluous: Excessive, unnecessary, needless
If
I take those two words: Pruning and Superfluous to describe part of our preparation
for promise (aka the process) it would sound something like this:
·
Carl
and I went through a process that cut back, cleared, got rid of and removed
excessive unnecessary needless things and people in our lives in order to make
room for the new people that had been waiting all of their lives for us to come
along. When we arrived they were able to
exhale.
The
first thing God did was allowed us to be off at the same time, which was odd
for us because the majority of our marriage with an exception of the last 10
years Carl worked graveyard and he had a rotating shift which also caused him
to work weekends. Working with your
spouse is not as easy as it may seem and everyone is not cut out for it. It takes a special couple to be able to work
together and live together. You have to
establish clear boundaries about when you’re going to talk about work; whether
you answer phone calls and/or emails during dinner, movie night, your “vacation”,
etc.; agreeing on a maximum amount of your personal funds you will spend on the
business. If you’re in a board meeting and
you have to cast a vote, do you vote in favor of your spouse’s idea or your
heart; do you like each other well enough to leave your home together, commute
to work, work all day, commute home, share your meal, and your bed only to do
the same thing the next morning? What
happens when you have a spat, do you carry it into the office?
I
love my husband, but I cannot spend every day, night, weekend, holiday and over
time with him because I have to have time to myself even if it is only to watch
Judge Judy, Survivor or a girl movie or let the TV watch me fall asleep. Or I may want to bake, write or read, get my
nails done or just think by myself. Sometimes
I need to come home to an empty house so I can transition to my role as the
woman of my house.
Time
got away from us again, we’ll have to pick it up tomorrow.
In
His New Excellence
Tania
Not Tanya
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