Move, Get Out of My Way

 When we consider all of the things in life that can cause us to feel condemned I think the biggest hurdle is acknowledging that XYZ happened and that you cannot change it. That may be really difficult for some people especially if it brings up hurtful memories that you have buried or you self-medicate to escape.  If the hurt is so deep that you cannot handle revisiting it alone, you may need to speak with a professional.  Before you trip out, let me continue.  A professional (e.g. experienced clergyperson, professional “licensed” counselor, psychologist, etc.) can help you safely approach areas of your life that lead to vulnerability so that you can gently navigate your way through.  You don’t want to stop and camp out there, you’re just passing through.  Lastly, seeing a professional does not mean you are weak or crazy.  On the contrary, it takes guts to go to a hurtful place with the intention of resolving the hurt. The bottom line is that you can decide to remain a prisoner to your condemnation or open the cell door, walk out and never return.  While it may sound simple there is some work that has to be done.  The good news is that the work is doable as long as you are willing to roll up your sleeves, dig in and start moving towards release, even if you only take itty bitty baby steps on some days.  What is the work?

Ownership:  As I stated above it is acknowledging what happened and making a decision that you are not your past.  As horrific as some things may have been, it really boils down to a choice.  Do you want to be free (of condemnation) or not.  If you don’t then don’t do anything.  If you do, let’s get busy.

1.  Accepting and/or Giving Forgiveness:  That may include forgiving yourself and/or the offender (if there is one).  I know, I know, I’ve been there, but listen, here’s what is at stake:

·       If you don’t forgive, God will not forgive you:  Matthew 6:12, 14-15 (CEB) excerpts from the Lord’s Prayer:  and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.  Unforgiveness limits God.  That’s why some of our prayers aren’t being answered because we have stuff in our hearts against people and/or against ourselves.

  Victory Nugget:  Jesus mentions forgiveness three different times in this short prayer.  Anytime you see a phrase or words repeated multiple times in a particular set of scriptures, that means it’s important, emphasis is being added, so pay attention.

·       2.  Let It Go/Forget About It:  What!!; you have no idea how badly I was hurt or what I did, I can’t just drop it.  You’re right, I don’t, but let’s look closer at the Word:  Mark 11:25-26 (AMP):  And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings.  Sir, Ma’am, yes you can, it’s a choice and as the Midwife says “everything costs something.  The question is are you willing to pay the price of unforgiveness or do you want to be free from its debt?   Unforgiveness will also affect your faith.  And make no mistake for some of us, we are going to need all the faith we can get to move past the condemnation.  Think of it like this:  There is a river that runs freely to your house but all of a sudden the water stops flowing because someone built up a dam cutting you off completely.  When believing God, exercising our faith we need to ensure that nothing interrupts that spiritual flow and that our thoughts and conversations are pure, drama free.  There is nothing positive about unforgiveness because we relive the experience over and over and over which produces toxic thoughts that become our reality because we will eventually speak what we have been thinking.  We create the negative space, not the devil or anybody else.  Living in the past is painful and costly.  Mark 11:22-23 (AMP): And Jesus, replying, said to them, Have faith in God [constantly]. Truly I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, Be lifted up and thrown into the sea! and does not doubt at all in his heart but believes that what he says will take place, it will be done for him.  A toxic mind won’t be able to believe God for anything, let alone moving mountains.

Victory Nugget:  Jesus is not talking about a literal mountain made of rock.  Mountain (Webster) -- a large mass of something; a huge amount.  For example a huge amount of debt, drama, condemnation, etc.

Forgiveness is not as much about the offender as it is you, can you see that.

·       Forgiveness is feather weight.  You have no idea how free you will be after you forgive.

3.  Move Condemnation, Get Out of My Way:  Some  Philippians 3:12-13:  It’s not that I have

already reached this goal or have already been perfected, but I pursue it, so that I may grab hold of it because Christ grabbed hold of me for just this purpose. Brothers and sisters, I myself don’t think I’ve reached it, but I do this one thing: I forget about the things behind me and reach out for the things ahead of me.  We have been blessed with the gift of life.  That thing whatever it was didn’t kill us or three meals and a cot.  We’re alive, we survived, now it’s time to live, without condemnation.
of us have been stuck for years but now it’s time to get in the press, to move out, on and up, tell that condemnation to get out of your way.

I know there are exceptions to the rule.  Perhaps your offender is no longer reachable for whatever reason.  You can simulate the act of forgiveness by writing a letter to him/her even if you don’t have an address. Going through the act and putting it in the atmosphere will be freeing as well. But what if I tried and they rejected me?  That is a very real probability, but remember, you are not seeking their approval or validation, you are simply trying to make amends and if they refuse you, it’s on them.

This was a lot, some of you may be having a panic attack just thinking about it.  Stop.  Take a breath.  Collect your thoughts.  Pray and ask God for guidance and when He speaks, it’s important for you to act.  I realize this may not be easy, but it will be worth it to be free.  Free of the baggage of condemnation whether we were drafted against our will or it was self-imposed. 

Hold your head up, it’s gonna be OK.

In His Humble Excellence

Tan

Condemnation: My Secret

“Carmel was the pride and joy of her parents, Daisy and Jeff.  She was a beautiful caramel colored little girl with hair so long and thick one pony tail looked like a horse tail.  She loved to play with her friends Kim Brown and Jessie Whitehall.  Daisy was very selective about who Carmel visited with and even though Kim and Jesslyn were a little older than Carmel, she felt comfortable with her visiting with them.  One summer afternoon, Kim called to invite Carmel over to play with her new Barbie Doll house.  Kim was a good little girl but she had six brothers, a couple of which were teenagers and she wanted to be sure that an adult was present as a precaution.  Daisy agreed after she spoke with Mrs. Brown to confirm she was going to be home.   Kim came across the street to get Carmel who had put some of her Barbie’s in her backpack and off they went.

The girls were immersed in their play time in the family room.  Mrs. Brown needed to run across the street to get something from a neighbor.  She went to the family room and told the girls she would be right back.  Reggie, Kim’s 18 year old brother, heard his mother when she told the girls she would be right back.  Reggie was high as usual and he knew that Carmel had a crush on him.  He went into the room where the girls were playing, sat down by Carmel and asked if he could play as her husband to which she innocently agreed.  Kim got mad and told him to get out and leave them alone.  He looked at Carmel and asked if she wanted him to stay and she said she didn’t care.  Reggie then told Kim to go get him a Capri Sun but when she protested, he threatened to tell their mother that she was the one that broke the DVD player last week (even though it was really him).  Against her better judgment she left the two of them in family room.  Reggie suggested they play tag instead and she agreed.  She chased him and he let her catch him and then they reversed roles but when he caught her he threw her down on the couch.  When she protested and tried to push him off, he laughed at her and called her a big baby and let her go.  She nervously tried to laugh it off, but she was starting to feel uncomfortable.  He grabbed for her again but she escaped his grasp and ran for the family room door, but he beat her to it and locked it, just as Kim arrived with the Capri Sun. She tried to open the door but when she discovered it was locked she banged on the door and told him to open it.  Reggie ignored her as he pursued Carmel.  She got really scared and ran from him, but he pinned her down on the couch again.  She looked in his eyes and could see that something was different about him.  Kim was banging on the door yelling for him to open it, but he laughed at her.  Carmel was starting to panic.  She didn’t understand what was happening, but she knew something was wrong.  She yelled for him to get off of her but he wouldn’t budge.  He continued to antagonize her saying that she knew she liked him and this is how big people play house.  During the commotion Mario and Renaldo, Kim’s brothers, ran upstairs to see what was going on.  She told them that Reggie locked Carmel in the room.  Ironically Mrs. Brown returned to see the panicked look on her sons face and Kim crying and banging on the door.  It didn’t take Mrs. Brown long to figure out what was going on.  She banged on the door and demanded that Reggie open door.  He conceded, released Carmel and opened the door.  Mrs. Brown slapped Reggie so hard in the face that she left a hand print on his high yellow cheek and he stormed out of the room.  Carmel was in shock, she stood near the couch frozen and then the tears gushed out of her eyes though she never said a word.   Mrs. Brown consoled Carmel and told her that Reggie was just playing and that he didn’t mean any harm.  She took her in the kitchen and gave the girls some ice cream, which Carmel barely ate, as she continued to try to convince her that Reggie didn’t mean any harm, but then she made Carmel promise not to tell anyone what happened.  Carmel never told anyone what happened, she never spoke about it with Kim and she never went to Kim’s house again.  She buried that confusing summer afternoon so far down in her subconscious until she forgot it ever happened until recently.”

The audience of women from the Hope Street Women’s Group were in shock when Vanessa, the person telling the story, confessed that Carmel’s story was really hers.  Vanessa was interning for her Master’s program at Hope Street where she had been facilitating the group meetings for the past six months.  It wasn’t her intention to go in that direction but the Holy Spirit completely changed her lesson plan for that evening and told her to share her story. 

She continued:  “At first I thought I was tripping, but then the memories started to come back.  I can’t remember Reggie’s face, just that he was tall, slender, light skinned and he had dark curly hair, but I can remember the fear and confusion.  I remember praising God for protecting me from what could have been a horrific life altering experience.  I realize that some of you may have had similar experiences and I want to share what the Lord has given me for you: 

Ladies, you are not your past and it is not your fault.  We cannot blame ourselves for someone else’s sick behavior.  I will not minimalize your pain, but if you don’t get past it and forgive the perpetrator you will live locked in your own prison of condemnation for the rest of your life. 

Some of the words synonymous with condemnation are: damnation, denunciation, reproach, reprobation, doom, disapproval.  These words are not uplifting, gracious or attractive.  Colossians 4:6 (NLT) says: Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone (including yourself).

Those accusations that you keep rewinding in your head over and over and over come from the accuser himself, the devil.  Revelations 12:10 (NLT) Then I heard a loud voice shouting across the heavens, “It has come at last—salvation and power and the Kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ.  For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth the one who accuses them before our God day and night.  As long as you accept his accusatory message, he will have a stronghold over you.  How many of you want to give the devil that kind of control?  Right, I thought so.

Jesus said: So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free. John 8:36 (NLT).  Period, end of story, no more discussion.  But if you remain in your condemnation cell, you will remain a prisoner of your own devices, self-condemnation.

I tell you the truth, those who listen to my message and believe in God who sent me have eternal life. They will never be condemned for their sins, but they have already passed from death into life.  John 5:24 (NLT)

Never means: not ever; at no time; not at all; absolutely not; to no extent or degree:

In His Humble Excellence

Tan

All Or Nothing

BB sat in front of the Pastor but didn’t know where to start. He had given his life to Christ about a year ago, attended worship services and bible class faithfully.  His fiancé, Sheila, insisted on pre-marital counseling but somehow he got talked into meeting with the Pastor alone.  He was a good speaker, a stand up dude, but this was weird.  He knew he had some issues, but he didn’t want to talk to this man or anybody else about them, that's not what men do.  The Pastor started to pray, BB bowed his head out of respect and this feeling came over him.  It was like nothing he could explain and before he knew it was crying.  It felt like someone was trying to pull the cape that surrounded him off but as they pulled it off he pulled to keep it on – it was like an intense battle of tug of war.  Eventually the cape was snatched off and BB gave in to the tears.  He wasn’t sobbing uncontrollably but he was shaking like a leaf as the tears spilled down his cheeks forming puddles under his chin.  The Pastor continued to pray for God’s peace and encouraged BB to release “it” whatever “it” was.  After about 10 minutes he had cried himself out and they both sat there in silence until BB was ready to talk.  He decided to jump in with both feet first and said the first thing that came to mind:  “My name is Basil. I started using BB when I was nine because I was tired of people teasing me about my name.  I am the third son to my momma, Betty.  Mom’s raised me and my four brothers pretty much by herself.  She was a beautiful, hard-working, kind, dependable woman and she could cook her tail off.  She worked downtown as a receptionist but when I was about 14 she took a part-time job working nights.

When I was 15 me and my brothers were at home, we did our homework, ate dinner and stuff it, but it was my turn to help my youngest brother, OJ, with his bath.  I ran the water and called him to the bathroom.  Just as OJ was about to get in the tub, the phone rang.  It was Sheila, you know how that is.  I told OJ to wait until I got back to get in, but instead OJ decided that since he was a big boy in Kindergarten he could take a bath by himself.  Just as he was climbing into the tub, he slipped and hit his head.  I don’t know if he passed out but as I got back to the bathroom, he was face down in the water.  I ran to the tub, turned him over and he opened his eyes but they rolled back into his head, he was having a seizure and blood was pouring from his forehead.  I called for help and the twins ran to the bathroom but when they saw all the blood they freaked out and were yelling at me.  I tried to stop the bleeding but couldn’t so Sage, the oldest twin, ran next door to get Ms. Scott, our neighbor.  She could tell right away he was going to need stitches which meant calling moms at work.  While on the phone with moms they decided that moms would meet them at the hospital to save time.  We all wanted to go, but there wasn’t enough room in Ms. Scott’s car so Sage went with her to help. 

I was on pins and needles the whole time they were gone.  I knew moms was going to kill me when she got home.  They got home around 1:15am, I started to try to explain what happened, but moms said ‘its late sweetie; go to bed, we can talk about it tomorrow.’  Two days later moms told us that CPS was accusing her of neglect and they opened a case on her.  That was the first time I ever saw her break down in front of all of us and I felt like crap because it was all my fault.  She was already over protective of OJ because she blamed herself for his seizures but he hadn’t had one in almost a year, ever since moms left my stepfather, OJ’s pops.”

The Pastor could see that the guilt was trying to overtake me.  He asked if I he wanted to stop but I said no, I wanted to get it off my chest, so I took a deep breath and continued:  “Even though this happened 16 years ago it still feels like yesterday.  OJ was taken from moms because Ozzie, Sr. used the accident as a way to get back at moms for leaving him the year before.  He didn’t own up to the fact that she left him because he was a was a functioning alcoholic for a major law firm by day but a terror and abusive to his family by night.  That nigga better be glad moms left him because me and Sage had decided the next time he touched moms, that was gonna be it.   

The CPS case was dropped but one of Ozzie, Sr.’s attorney friends helped him use the accident as a way of proving that OJ needed to be in a more stable environment.  I thought moms was gonna lose it when OJ went to live with his pops, because she blamed herself for that too.  She was in a funk for about six months even though we never missed a meal and she still went to work, but the sparkle in her eye was dimming.  One of the Mothers from the church came by a lot to pray with us and talk to moms, she was like a walking bible.  She would say stuff like: ‘Dear Heart, you are precious in the eyes of God, you are more than a conqueror, God is gonna make this right.  The bible says: And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. (Romans 8:28 NLT); Now, baby, you can’t blame yourself for something that was out of your control, you're a great mother and a beautiful daughter of a God.  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. (John 3:17 NKJV)'.  Those visits were like medicine for my moms because over time she started to get it together.  But I was mad at God.  I mean I was pissed at Him for letting us lose OJ even though it was all my fault and I never forgave myself for splitting my family apart.  I guess that's it."

The Pastor complimented me for being so transparent and said "BB, I need to be real with you bro.  Do I have your permission?"  I said "yes".  He said: "you've been coming here for about a year now.  I see some growth but you get to a certain point and then you hold back.  I didn't realize what that was until now.  The challenge you are wrestling with is condemnation plain and simple.  I need you to understand that, it's all or nothing with God. It's like you’re trying to swim without getting wet, you're only trusting God to a certain point, but He won’t play second to anybody, not even your disbelief, again it's all or nothing.  You were a kid, it was an accident, your moms is not blaming you; you are still blaming you.  Romans 8:37 (AMP) Yet amid all these things we are more than conquerors and gain a surpassing victory through Him Who loved us.  The way to victory isn't by fighting with guns, but with your Sword (the Word of God) and by renewing your mind, changing your conversation.  Ephesians 4:22-24 NIV You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.  Your old self is blame and sabotage, we need to change that.  Are you willing to put the work in?"  I said "yes" immediately.  And he gave me the following assignment:

•   Thank God every day for his brand new mercies and for giving you the courage to forgive yourself

•   When the self-doubt/accusatory conversation starts in your head, cut it off with words like:

•   I am approved, I have been pardoned, I have been set free

•   That's over, I approve of myself, I am loved, I am forgiven

•   I can do all things through Christ which gives me strength

•   I am a victor, not a victim; I am a more than a conqueror

Can you do that?”  I said “yes, of course I can.”  Before we ended our session we agreed to meet again next week and then we closed with prayer.

I can't believe how light I felt as I left his office.  I felt like jumping up and down, but I didn't, I ain't ready for that yet.

In His Humble Excellence

Tan