Move Your "But" Out the Way

Aberdeen was up at the crack of dawn, she had laid her clothes out the night before, made sure she had all of the necessary items in her backpack, her lunch and snacks were packed and ready to go in the fridge because she had every intention of arriving before class to avoid the panic of rushing.  But true to form, she left the house later than she anticipated.  She parked her car hurriedly and walk-ran into the lecture hall for the first semester of college as a sophomore at Howard University just as the Professor entered and approached the smart white board.  She wasn’t paying attention to where she sat, it was just important that she do so before Professor Cobb began his lecture because he had a reputation for blasting people if they were late.  No sooner than she sat down in the seventh row; first seat (closest to the main isle) the person in front of her said: “Excuse me, you’re gonna need to move, that seat is reserved for Priscilla and she will not be happy if you’re sitting there when she get here.”  Confused, Aberdeen stood slightly, turned around to see if she saw a name on the upper or lower section of the seat but when she didn’t, she sat back, folded her arms across her big wide bosom and gave the unnamed person the blank stare look without batting an eyelash as she simultaneously perched her lips with a slight poke and raised her left eyebrow like a true Reah-Richmonite.  After about 6.5 seconds the person in front of her (who by the way never introduced herself) slowly changed from high yellow to hot pink as she turned around and faced forward realizing she had met her match.  Two minutes later, Aberdeen felt someone tap her on the shoulder rather aggressively.  As she turned and looked up to acknowledge the finger that had poked her she met the teeny little eyes of another skinny little high yellow chick who had a weave as long as she was tall (all of 4’10’) and eyelashes about a foot long.  She looked at the little girl and gave her the blank stare too, except this time she batted her eyelashes hecka fast repeatedly as if to say: “Girl, bye!  You betta move you but out the way”; but she never opened her mouth.  As timing would have it, Professor Cobb roasted the little high yellow girl for being late and told her to find a seat.  The entire lecture hall began to snicker as the yellow girl turned tomato red and stormed up the stairs to a seat in the back.

Lamar surprised Shelby with tickets to the game that a client gave him at the last minute.  Shelby was so excited she could hardly contain herself.  Lamar was a diehard Raiders fan and she was a 49er faithful.  This game against their favorite teams was gonna be interesting to say the least because they had wagered a bet with each other that was going to be life changing.  Lamar agreed to go back to school to get his GED if the Raiders lost (even though he was a successful business owner) and Shelby agreed to set a date to get married if the 49ers lost.  Wait, somehow that doesn’t seem like a balanced deal, but I’m just the story teller, it’s what they agreed to.  Lamar proposed nine months ago and Shelby said yes, but not right now because timing wasn’t right (e.g. working full time, school and every other excuse she could come up with.)  When they finally found their seats, they were both like little kids in a candy store, high fiving, fist bumping each other, giggling, taking selfies, you name it because the seats were excellent.  They had a perfect view of the stadium, directly in front of the field goal.  The only problem is that the guys that arrived at half time took the empty seats directly in front of them.  They were obnoxious, loud and drunk, especially the short stocky one who kept standing up blocking their view.  Shelby who is a petite 5’0; 118 lbs woman tried to remain positive, but it was becoming harder by the play.  She gave Lamar the eye like:  “would you tell him to move his but out the way”!  Just as Lamar was about to say something an usher approached the guy and threatened to remove him from the arena if he didn’t stop throwing food onto the field and standing up blocking the view of others. 

Tabitha stopped attending church about three years ago for reasons she refused to discuss with anyone, not even Alice, the co-worker she had grown to respect and appreciate.  It was a closed subject and no matter what approach or how skillful people thought they were, when they attempted to venture past the boundaries Tabitha set, she was like a keen lioness waiting, watching and ready to pounce on anyone who attempted to go where no one was allowed to tread.  But there was something different about Alice, in fact Tabitha decided that if Alice asked again she would tell her why she stopped attending church.  Alice was as real as they come, she was approachable, down to earth, knew her Word and loved her some Jesus down baby, but she wasn’t fanatical about her religion or should I say relationship.  She was different sho’ nuff, but not weird or overzealous. She didn’t wear the Jesus earrings, necklace, scarf and t-shirt or use church vernacular as if she was speaking in tongues like most of the “Christians” she had been associated with.  For example:

Inquirer: Hi, how are you?  Saintly Saint:  I’m blessed of the Lord most high; or
Inquirer:  Join us for drinks?  Saintly Saint: Oh, no; drinking is a sin, Inquirer: Oh; or
Inquirer:  Have you heard Mary J’s new CD?  Saintly Saint:  I don’t listen to worldy music.  Inquirer:  Thinking to him/herself… What the What; Worldly music?  So do you commute from out of space?  I ain’t talking to him/her no more.

Alice wore confidence like a custom designed outfit except it was evident from the inside out.  It was almost as if she was an undercover agent who had mastered the gift of blending in without compromising, only to flash her badge when it became necessary at just the right moment, not a minute too soon or too late.  Tabitha witnessed Alice in action when people gave her shade; she witnessed co-workers intentionally leave Alice out of the loop with the intent to set her up but somehow Alice always came out on top making the haters look like idiots.  In spite of the intensity of the drama that surrounded Alice, she never changed, kept a smile on her face, continued to do her part as a team player and kept it pushin.  Once Tabitha overheard part of a conversation from the haters (aka co-workers) in which one of the cowards bragged about telling Alice “she betta move her but out the way” while they were standing in line at the concession stand.  But Tabitha knew that was a lie.  Alice was a Christian but she wasn’t a punk.  None of those cowards had the hutzpah to talk to Alice like that and secondly she remembered the day in question and there was no exchange of words at least not verbally, maybe the coward said it in her mind but the words never ever, ever left her lips.  Naw suh, no ma’am.  Besides, Alice wouldn’t stoop that low to a juvenile attack like that.  Tabitha may not be attending church regularly, but she could recognize the favor of God three miles off and she didn’t want any parts of that buffoonery Hon’Tee (not that she participated anyway) but those heffa’s was gone fool around and get stole on and Alice wasn’t gonna have to lift a finger. 

Todd was a stickler about grocery shopping.  He had a rhythm and method that he fine-tuned over the past 20 plus years.  He preferred to shop mid-morning during the week to avoid left over items that had been picked over by the worker bees who were forced to shop after they got home from work.  He shopped at the same store primarily every week; started with dry goods; cleaning supplies and opted for the refrigerated items towards the end of his trip.  Packing his cart was an art.  He ensured larger heavy items were on the bottom and stacked the items according to categories: meats were usually near the back on the left, can goods adjacent to meat, fruit and vegetables placed in plastic bags where towards the front, cleaning supplies were adjacent to the can goods, bread and eggs were in the small space near the handles of the cart to avoid crushing them.  He was in a hurry this particular Wednesday because he had to run another errand before heading home.  He entered the line only to realize he forgot something.  He asked the person behind him if they could keep an eye on his cart while he retrieved the items and the person agreed.  By the way, this was part of his routine too because he always forgot 1, 2 or 5 items but refused to make a list, insisting his “system” worked for him.  Anyway, when he returned to his cart he noticed a woman had moved ahead of him.  He looked at the person behind him and asked what happened, the person shrugged their shoulders and shook there head as if to say: “Look dude, I wasn’t gonna tell that loud rowdy woman that she better move her but out the way”.  Todd was about to say something to her but he had a feeling he should just let it go.   

What do these examples have in common?  No.  Nope, not that either.  Naw, you’re not even close.  I will tell you what it is or maybe I won’t, at least not now.  I just realized I’m completely out of time.  We’ll have to pick it up next time.  

Because of his promised Favor

Tania Not Tanya