Misery is an Option Pt. 4 - Are You Addicted to Misery?

So that I can capitalize on the short amount of time we have, rather than re-cap I’m going to ask that you read the previous declarations: entitled Misery is an Option on this blog. 

Let’s pick up the story with Chez and Maritez.  Chez suggested that they celebrate the completion of her business plan school project and asked how she wanted to celebrate.  She had no idea what she wanted to do and time wasn’t waiting on anyone so he quickly came up with an itinerary: 1) shopping on North Main Street in Walnut Creek at Bloomingdales or Nordstroms, Tiffany’s and the Apple Store.  Shopping wasn’t his favorite, but he knew she loved it so he would tolerate it; 2) Dinner at Ruth Chris (this was a must because they were clients and he had to finalize some business with them, but it could also be used as extra credit because she could observe their business exchange and talk with the owners); 3) if there was time a movie of her choice.  She looked at Chez like he was crazy and just as she was about to list the reasons why shopping wouldn’t work, he added there was no budget to which she said: “and what do you expect in return?”  His reply was: “that you will wear what you select and accept my gift with no strings attached.  You work really hard Maritez, you’re always a blessing to others now it’s time for someone to be a blessing to you.  That’s it, plain and simple, no hidden agenda.”  The warning lights were flashing candy apple red, but she put on her internal night goggles and proceeded, cause after all, shopping is shopping and she deserved it.  She looked him in his eyes and said: “Okay, I’ll take you up on your offer.”

He decided on the Range Rover because he had a feeling it was going to be full before the day was over.  He had an American Express Black Card and a huge expense account so money was the last of his worries.  He insisted on an iPad so she could get rid of that raggedy laptop that was full of viruses.  She was super reluctant initially but when he told her it was an investment in her future so that she could be mobile and conduct her business more efficiently she gave in again.  They ended the evening at Ruth Chris Steakhouse with one of the best meals she ever had in her life, everything was delicious from the appetizers to the dessert.  The staff was amazing, she listened intently to the business Chez conducted with the Owner and took notes on her iPad.  They were right across the street from the theatre and it was early enough for a movie.  Maritez had her heart set on ending the night with another hunk of a man, Denzel Washington who was starring in The Equalizer.  When they got to the box office they noticed a huge line for the movie that had apparently just been released, Addicted.  She assumed it was something to do with substance abuse and at the last minute she changed her mind and opted for Addicted since it was going to start in five minutes, otherwise they would have to wait 30 minutes for Denzel’s movie.  Neither of them were hungry but out of habit, Maritez wanted some red and yellow gummy bears and a small bag of popcorn, but Chez ordered a large just in case.  They got settled in their seats and about 15 minutes into the movie she realized this movie had nothing to do with the type of substance she thought it would be.  It was a full on hot, steamy movie that set every nerve in her celibate body on full blast.  She broke out in a hot sweat, turned purple and wanted to disappear but she closed her eyes instead as if that would make her disappear but that didn’t last long, the suspense was killing her.  She gave into her flesh and imagined her and Chez on the screen.  

When the movie was finally over she was toast, there was no more fight in her.  She decided that if he made a move she was gonna be all in.  They didn’t talk a lot on the ride home, he let the music do the talking for him.  When the Isley Brother’s “For the Love of You” came on she thought she was gonna pass out when Chez started singing in key, the brother had skills.  When they arrived at the apartment garage, Chez pulled into the stall next to her car.  They got out, he helped her put the items in her car and then asked what she wanted to do next.  She told him it was late, she had to go to church tomorrow so she better go home but then she remembered she left her laptop in his apartment.  So she followed him to his apartment and that was the beginning of the rest of the movie, Addicted, because when I tell you Maritez was sprung after that first night of making sex with Roche, honey you betta listen here. 

Fast forward twelve months.  Maritez was told years ago that she couldn’t conceive, but ironically she had two abortions; contracted an STD and to make matters worse, she discovered that Chez was married with a whole wife and two kids who lived in Arizona.  She wanted to cut his throat but it was her own fault. Those gifts that afternoon in October were far more expensive than she realized.  The cold piece was that she was so addicted to Chez that she still continued to share him with his wife for another six months after discovering he was married.  She finally cut him off completely three months ago.  All of this was bad, it was horrible but the absolute worst was that she was out of fellowship with God, she had broken her vow of celibacy.  She felt nasty, manipulated, ashamed, guilty and worthless but to make matters worse she murdered two innocent babies.  She was angry with God.  He knew how much she wanted to have children, how could he be so mean and thoughtless.  God knew she wanted a husband, how could he trick her with Chez.  She stopped going to church, she wouldn’t answer phone calls, text or email messages.  She became withdrawn and was spiraling into a deep state of depression.  


She didn’t really have an appetite but whenever she did eat the food would come right back up; she was tired all the time and slept every opportunity she could find.  Her mom and sister came by to check on her and when they saw how bad she looked they insisted that she make a same day appointment and agreed to take her because they didn’t trust she would go on her own.  When she emerged from the doctor’s office she looked as if she had seen a ghost.  When her mother asked if everything was ok she told her she was, you guessed it, pregnant with Chez’ baby.  People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy.  Proverbs 28:13 (NLT).  And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.”  Jeremiah 31:34b (NLT)

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As Neal and Miss Faith crossed the street to retrieve the desert, Neal asked her if she had really forgotten it.  She looked him in the eye and said:  The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise.  Proverbs 11:30 (NLT).  I knew you boys needed some male bonding time so I figured I would give it to you after dinner and use the desert as an excuse for an exit.  I just didn’t realize you were wise too.  They both chuckled as they entered the front door and headed for the kitchen where the peach cobbler was cooling on the counter.  She pulled out the Hagen Daz Vanilla Bean and said “a la mode or dry?”

Meanwhile Lovey and Roche sat at the dining room table enjoying small talk when Lovey felt led to share a story with him about his first love, Hope which he rarely discussed.  It has been 51 years now and some days it still hurt just a little to think about her.  He loved Faith with all of his heart but he loved Hope first.  He talked about how angry he was with the entire world but especially God for her transition.  He blamed and accused God almost as bad as Job when he went through his grieving process.  He credits Deacon Stays for saving his life.  The old deacon didn’t say much but when he spoke everyone listened.  One fall afternoon they had a very short conversation which Lovey recalled as if it yesterday.  “Deacon was sitting on his front porch, I had come by to drop off some fire wood for his house.  He invited me to ‘sit a spell’ and he said: ‘Lovey, I know’d you and ya peepa’s since you was yay high.  You’s a good man and yo’ Hope was good to you.  One thang I know fuh sho is this here, misery is an option.  Peepa’s choose to be happy or glad; up or down; in or out; free or bound.  It’s just dat simpah.  You can chose to be mad at God and this beautiful world or you can look fuh ‘da good in every thang God allows to happen in yah life like it says over in the Romans, all thangs work together fuh da good (Romans 8:28).  Now, its gon’ hurt for a lil while, sho nuff, but everyday it’ll get a lil bit betta.  Not a lots at a time, but a wee lil bit each day.  Sometime so lil you can’t even notice it.’  He politely got up out of his rocking chair, looked me in the eye and said ‘Lovey, you know how tah eat a elephant?’  I shook my head and said:  ‘No sir.’  He said: ‘One bite at a time.’  He opened the screen door and went inside to leave me to my thoughts.

Roche, I could use my psychology degree to analyze you and try to give you my professional advice or I can follow Deacon Stays example and leave you here to your thoughts, which was the best thing that happened for me.  So on that note, I will leave you with this: 1 Peter 5:7.  I won’t bother to quote it to you, I’d like to encourage you to read it when your mind is open and you’re ready.  At that, Lovey got up and left Roche to his thoughts. 

I’m out of time, make it a great day.

In His New and Excellent Service

Tania Not Tanya

Misery is an Option Pt. 3

Yesterday’s declaration ended with: 

·       Roche having a complete meltdown in the door of the home he had planned to share with the woman of his dreams. His brother Neal was there to assist him through part of the grief process by just being there silently praying and interceding on behalf of his big brother.  The Holy Spirit was very clear that he was to remain quiet as the tears continued to run past Roche’s tear ducts and land on front entryway, his shirt and the welcome mat; and

·       Maritez had tossed and turned all night because she was conflicted about her options. She made a choice to spend a restless night in the bed of an attractive eligible bachelor while he slept as sound as a newborn baby in the living room on his plush leather couch, snoring ever so lightly.  But that wasn’t really the dilemma, the actuality is that she was playing with fire and she knew it.  Her stomach was in knots and there was an actual battle take place internally, she could hear the clanging of the swords, gunfire and grenades going off.   

We will pick up with Maritez who slept for a couple of hours at best.  She was exhausted by the time she woke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee, bacon and something with cinnamon that she couldn’t identify but the aroma made her mouth water.  She quickly got herself together and emerged as Chez was finishing the final touches on breakfast.  No man had ever went to the trouble of making her breakfast and feeling so “at home”.  He flashed his million dollar smile on her and was surprised to see how refreshed he looked.  She discovered later he was up at the crack of dawn, had hit the complex gym, showered, picked up items at the grocery store and now stood in front of her looking like the hottest thing since chocolate chip cookies in his tank top and sweats.  He pulled her chair out and offered her a seat and they enjoyed a fabulous meal.

As he cleared the table he suggested that they hit the books since they were so close to completing her project.  She reluctantly agreed, not because she didn’t want to complete the project but because she was so tired.  After her third cup of coffee she got her second wind and they knocked the project out by 11:00 am.  What a relief.  He received several text messages while they were studying.  He blamed it on work which made sense to her since he was here working on a project and it wasn’t alarming when he excused himself to take two calls outside of her presence. 

Speaking of which she had completely forgotten to turn on her phone and when she did, she discovered a voicemail from Mother Duhrite stating that she had been on her heart and called to tell her she loved her.  Maritez broke out in a cold sweat when the reality of where she was hit her upside her head.  She normally spent the 1^st Saturday with Mother and she had completely forgotten about her.  She tried to call her but got her voicemail.  Just as she heard the phone ring on the other end, Chez walked in looking especially sexier than when he had left previously.  Wait, what are you saying Maritez, you are doing too much, you need to get your head back in the game.  But that’s just it, I have been playing by all the rules, believing God, waiting and waiting and waiting.  I’m tired of being single and waiting.  Life is passing me by, I deserve to live and have fun like everyone else.  Then she heard that whispering voice: “Maritez, you are chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted. 1 Peter 2:9-10 (The Message)  He went into the bedroom to change clothes and give her some privacy.  Mother didn’t answer so she left a message apologizing for missing their 1^st Saturday date and would contact her later.   When Chez emerged from the bedroom, he said: “My schedule is free for the rest of the day, what do you want to do next?”  What she wanted to say was: “Boy, if you only knew”, but she didn’t.  Instead she said: “I’ll leave it up to you, I’m all yours.”

  

Meanwhile Roche and Neal made a little progress, having moved from the doorway to the living room where they both sat in silence.  The place looked a little cleaner than Roche imagined, but it was due to Neal, their mom and two sisters who had come by last week and cleaned the place up.  They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity, their cell phones hadn’t even rung.  Neal was determined to support his brother however he needed and felt led to remain quiet until Roche broke the silence and when he did try, nothing would come out at first because his throat was full of the tears that hadn’t escaped.  He was tired of crying and asking why, he just wanted to make sense of what felt like a cruel joke.  He cried a little more while Neal continued to sit in silence.  It was then that Roche realized what an amazing dude his little brother is and he had never really told him.  He knew he needed to get it together and focus on the task at hand which was to pack up Megan’s things.  Thankfully he didn’t have to worry about the wedding items because Gigi, Megan’s matron of honor took care of all of the wedding paraphernalia (e.g. the wedding gown, shoes, veil, and whatever else she had).  He didn’t bother to ask what she was going to do with it, he just didn’t want to see it.  

Roche finally broke the silence by thanking his brother for being there after which he stood up and said, let’s get this over with.  They began to pack the boxes that his mom brought over last week when they came over to clean up.  They got quite a bit done when they realized how hungry they were and ironically, there was a knock at the door.  Roche went to the door to discover their neighbor, Miss Faith and her husband Lovey with a pan of lasagna, salad, dressing, warm sourdough bread and her amazing lemonade.  He welcomed them in and Miss Faith directed Lovey to the kitchen so they could put the items on the counter.  Neal emerged as he heard the light chatter and when he saw Miss Faith he gave her a soft bear hug.  They had known this couple since they were kids.  Lovey was their childhood Sunday School teacher and Miss Faith was over the Hospitality workers.  Everything she cooked melted in your mouth.  She asked the brothers if they were hungry and they said yes simultaneously.  She told them to sit down and she would serve them and she went into action setting the table and making their plates.  As they finished their meal, she realized she left the dessert at the house (they lived across the street).  She told them she would be right back and Neal quickly volunteered to assist her.   He knew his brother needed a word from the Lord that he himself couldn’t give because he was too close to the situation.  He whispered one more prayer of thanksgiving as he followed Miss Faith out the door. 

I’m out of time, we’ll pick it up tomorrow.

In His New and Excellent Service

Tania Not Tanya

Misery is an Option Pt. 2

Yesterday’s declaration included two couples: 

·       Maritez, a BAB (born again Believer) committed to her faith and celibacy vow who was dating Chez the “too good to be true” perfect gentlemen; and

·       Roche who was engaged to the love of his life, Megan.  Both of them believed in God but because of past experiences made a conscious decision to abstain from organized religion.  Megan was killed by a drunk driver three weeks before their wedding date.

Let’s pick up with Roche who was obviously devastated by his fiancés premature death.  Instead of finalizing their wedding he operated in a fog assisting with Megan’s final arrangements.  Legally he didn’t have any say so about her final remains because he was not the next of kin, but her family was kind enough to allow him to participate in decision making.  Not of their own doing, but based on scheduling and the need to finalize Megan’s transition, the services ironically were held the day before their intended wedding date.  Everybody and I mean everybody that knew the couple was torn up behind this fact but there was literally nothing they could do.  Postponing the date wouldn’t make it any less painful and they couldn’t speed the process up because that was virtually impossible.  Because of the nature of death the coroner’s office had to conduct an autopsy and even with the chief of staff at California Pacific (where Megan did her residency) calling in a favor the earliest they were able to release the body was the week of Roche and Megan’s intended wedding.  

Several weeks after the funeral Roche still couldn’t bring himself to stay at their home, the home that lived and breathed Megan.  She wore China Rain body oil and also used it when she washed the linen.  Every room in the house reminded him of her, especially the family room where they spent late nights cuddled up on the couch watching old black and white movies or playing board games.  With her direction he created the perfect backyard get away, a swing.  He chuckled to himself when he remembered how excited she was the very first time she sat on it and asked him to push her like a big kid.  She insisted on a swing because she loved to sit outside day or night (as long as it was raining) and lose herself in thought as she would wind down from a hectic day in the emergency department helping others. 

His brother Neal had driven him to the house because Roche’s therapist suggested he try to begin picking up the pieces of his life and Roche decided he would start with packing Megan’s belongings.  He resisted at first but the more he thought about it he knew she would have wanted him to donate her things to someone in need.  He decided on Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) because if he saw anyone in his circle with her items it would be more than he could handle.  To ensure that he followed through, he spoke with the Executive Director of MADD and committed to bring the items within one week. 

Neal opened the front door and a wave of nausea overshadowed Roche, his knees buckled, he turned pale and grabbed the door post to steady himself.  The tears gushed out of his eyes stinging his face like razor blades.  He tried his best to stuff the emotion but he couldn’t’ control it and right in the door way he melted to the floor and sobbed like a lost little boy.  Why God?!!!  Why are you punishing me?!!!  Why do you hate me?!!!! I can’t take it anymore?!!!!!  Neal never said a word and he never left his brother’s side as Roche sobbed and snotted on the floor.  Neal got right down on the floor with his brother, lightly placing his hand on his back for reassurance as his brother began the real grieving process.  They both cried, Roche for his Megan and Neal for his brother as he prayed silently for wisdom and strength. 

  

In the meantime Chez and Maritez were entering another level of their relationship except Miss Maritez didn’t know it.  Chez was working on an assignment that required him to be in the Bay for the next six consecutive weeks.  Ironically it was during the prep time for finals.  Maritez found herself struggling and stressing about her business plan.  They had met several times at the Starbucks in Barnes and Nobles, but they were not always able to get a table.  This was one of those evenings.  Chez suggested that they go to his apartment literally one block away.  He was starving and she was hungry too so he gave her the keys to the apartment and told her he would grab dinner and meet her there shortly.  She agreed without thinking twice because she trusted him emphatically, he was after all the perfect gentlemen and besides, they were grown, spirit filled Christians, at least she was spirit filled, she wasn’t really sure about Chez, but he knew his bible and her stance on celibacy.  As she entered the apartment and made herself comfortable she heard a little voice whisper:  “And don’t let something you consider to be good be criticized as wrong. Romans 14:16 (CEB).  She turned around quickly to see if someone was in the room because it was just that clear and audible, but no one was there.  Her mouth got a little dry and she started to perspire so she went to the kitchen to get some water and a paper towel to pat her forehead.  She told herself she was trippin and that it was the devil trying to “guilt” her about something innocent.  Then she sold herself on the fact that Chez could be trusted and as she started to answer herself, Chez rang the doorbell.  She almost jumped out of her skin because she was in such deep thought. 

When Chez entered the apartment he saw the startled look on her face and asked if she was ok.  She laughed it off and assured him she was.  He had her favorite, crab won tons and Oh Long Seabass.  She didn’t realize how hungry she was.  They ate while they worked on her project and before she knew it, it was midnight.  She was clearly exhausted and knew she needed to leave but she was a little tipsy from the wine after dinner.  Chez spoke up and offered his bedroom, assuring her he would take the couch.  Initially she said no but the more he talked about how dangerous it was to drive tired and tipsy the more it made sense for her to stay.  She was angry with herself for drinking that second glass of wine, but it was so good.  She gave it a little more thought and considering the fact that it was a Friday night (now early Saturday morning) and she had workout clothes and toiletries in her car, she conceded.  Before he left to get her backpack from the car, he gave her a t-shirt and pajama bottoms to sleep in and sat out some towels so she could shower while he went to get her backpack from the car assuming it might make her a little more comfortable if he wasn’t in the apartment when she showered. 

Chez left and she took advantage of his huge glass sparkling clean shower.  Once under the power of the dual massage shower heads, she heard another whisper: Everything is permitted, but everything isn’t beneficial. Everything is permitted, but everything doesn’t build others up. 1 Corinthians 10:23 (CEB)  The tipsiness left instantly, she thought to herself, what am I doing butt naked in a single man’s shower.  She lathered herself quickly, dried herself off and was about to re-dress in her clothes when she heard Chez announce that he was back.  She stood in front of the mirror and asked herself what she was doing and then she heard an answer: “Mija, mija, esta loco?  Honey, honey are you crazy?  Chez is a perfect gentlemen, he ain’t trynna get no tail.  You trippin.  It’s too late for you to be driving home, you need to have several seats.  He’s sleeping on the couch and you’re gonna lock the door and sleep in here.”  After listening to herself, she agreed she was overreacting.  She was startled by the loud knock and Chez asking if she was okay.  She snapped back to reality and answered yes.  He told her the backpack was at the bedroom door.  She thanked him and quickly retrieved it, locked the door, put on the night clothes he gave her, said good night through the door and got in the bed by herself. He chuckled to himself, turned on the TV and let it put him to sleep.  Maritez on the other hand was awake almost the entire night, tossing and turning. 

I’m out of time, we’ll pick it up tomorrow.

In His New and Excellent Service

Tania Not Tanya

Misery is an Option: Pt. 1

Maritez was an attractive young single woman with no attachments (i.e. man or children) who just turned 39.  She opted to take a job right out of high school instead of college and without a degree she has done well for herself up until now as she has hit the glass ceiling at work which has become frustrating.  She is a BAB (born again Believer) and was very committed to her church until about a year ago when she decided to take a break from everything including her purpose, the Hospitality Team, even though she felt somewhat guilty behind her decision.  To be honest she has been indecisive about many of her decisions lately and it wasn’t until recently that she discovered why everything was off kilt.  It’s only been three months since her break up with Chez, her sex-mate, I mean soul-mate, or at least that’s what she thought he was. 

Everything about Chez was perfect, so perfect that her girlfriends joked about him being too good to be true but she ignored them and the warning signs. that (in hindsight) were screaming at her at full volume a couple of months after they started getting sex-rious, I mean serious.  It all started when they met at a business mixer one evening where Chez was featured as the guest speaker.  His presentation was quite impressive (e.g. his knowledge of the hospitality industry, his aura, confidence and his sound almost made her melt).  He used to tell her that he was hooked from the first time he laid eyes on her which made her melt every single time he said that to her.  She would agree that there was something about him too but it wasn’t the same feeling, it was something else, she just couldn’t put her finger on it at the time.  As “fate” would have it he lived out of State but was in the Bay so often that his firm leased a very upscale apartment for him in Emeryville, California right above PF Chang’s Bistro.  It was lavishly decorated in modern furniture, he had a spectacular view of the Bay and all of the amenities you could think of in walking distance (with an exception of a grocery store but that was easily solved with www.safeway.com’s delivery service or the short 5 minute drive from his apartment).   Initially she turned his lunch/dinner offers down but she wasn’t firm enough with her “no” answers, which gave Chez permission to continue pursuing her.  He had never been turned down by a woman so it made the pursuit all the more challenging and to be honest she liked the pursuit.  Two months later he finally got a commitment to lunch at the restaurant of her choice and it was a wrap from that point on.  They didn’t have sex, he was a perfect gentlemen.  Unbeknownst to Maritez, the restaurant she selected was owned by a friend and business partner, Bobby Flay who happened to be in town.  She was floored when he introduced her to Bobby who insisted on taking her for a tour and introducing her to the chef.  It was clear to Chez at that point, he had her, not because of the lunch experience, but because she gave in and met him for lunch.  Everything else was icing on the cake. 

To her credit she was very clear about her commitment to Christ and in spite of him wining, dining and wooing her she remained faithful to her 10-year celibacy commitment.  He had great morals and values, he was chivalrous, polite, well versed, had an amazing body and praise Jesus he professed to be a Christian though he rarely talked about his “faith” but he knew the word.  Maritez was so blown away by all of the other amazing qualities that she intentionally overlooked that last quality, his faith, or the lack thereof.  He slowly became her support system, not in an obnoxious or controlling way but he encouraged her to pursue her dreams of completing her degree and opening her own restaurant.  He even went as far as offering to pay for her class expenses as a gift or a loan, whatever made her the most comfortable.  She declined and opted for the tuition reimbursement program at work.  When class got rough Chez was right there to help her with assignments, if not personally he connected her with people in the industry that could help her.

Roche’ was an entrepreneur that provided consulting services to small business owners but he also had a very flexible “day job” with great benefits and perks.  He too was single with no children.  He was engaged to an amazing woman, Megan that he met in college.  She was a resident at California Pacific Hospital and despite the long hours she loved her work, but not more than her Roche.  Theirs seemed to be a match made in heaven.  He proposed but they decided that she would finish her residency before getting married.  They spent as much time as they could together as challenging as it was but neither of them cared because it added a different spice to their relationship which kept it fresh.  Roche had a flexible schedule for work and as long as he had internet connectivity and his cell phone handy it didn’t matter whether he was in the office because he telecommuted and only went to the office when they had mandatory staff meetings once a quarter.  This gave them the flexibility to be creative and meet for late night dinners, sunrise breakfasts or walks on the marina in the middle of the day.

Neither of them had any children or baggage from previous relationships because they were both workaholics prior to meeting each other.  They discussed moving in together but decided against it because statistically the divorce rate for couples that lived together prior to marriage was 50% higher than that of couples who had not lived together.  They both decided it was worth the wait, however, that didn’t stop them from purchasing a small home which Megan decorated so well that it felt like their home in no time.  She even created a man cave for Roche in the upstairs loft. 

Both of them believed in God but they didn’t profess to be BABs (born again Believers).  Roche was raised in the church, saw a lot of things that turned him off and caused him to decide he didn’t want to be a part of an organized religion for reasons that he guarded.  It didn’t matter much to Megan because she had decided church wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be after witnessing her paternal uncle (and Pastor of their church) verbally abuse his wife for years (at home) and pretend to be holy and loving in public.  She was a kid and the adults tried to talk above her and her cousins but they knew what was going on.  She loved God, but didn’t want to have anything to do with people who lived one way and acted another.  She knew it was a disappointment to her parents that she didn’t attend church, but she had her own life to live and refused to be guilted into going to church.  Besides, her work schedule was so unpredictable she rarely had a Sunday off anyway.  The straw that broke the camel’s back was when her uncle (the Pastor mentioned above) acknowledged her inability to attend service physically but suggested she still give her tithes and offering, right in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner.  Rather than let him have it like she wanted to do, she reminded him she was a starving student and asked if he could give her a donation to help with school – with a straight face.  He quickly changed the subject as he asked for more turkey which was a little muffled amidst the giggles and gasps.

Now that her residency is just about complete Megan and Roche began to finalize the wedding plans they began making months ago, nothing big and elaborate, they wanted a simple ceremony in their beautiful backyard.  Three weeks before the wedding Megan and her bridesmaids met at the dressmakers for their final fitting.  On the way home, Megan was hit by a drunk driver and she died on the scene.  Roche was devastated.  He had done all of the right things, he had never been arrested, didn’t father any children, earned his Masters, honored his parents, didn’t use drugs or alcohol, found his soul mate and honored her by not living with her before they were married and now this.  It was more than he could take.  What kind of a God would kill such an amazing woman?    

I’m out of time, we’ll continue tomorrow.

In His New and Excellent Service

Tania Not Tanya

Fight Club Pt. 4: Never Fight Alone

Yesterday’s declaration was liberating for me because the majority of my saved life I understood Matthew 5:39 -- But I say to you that you must not oppose those who want to hurt you. If people slap you on your right cheek, you must turn the left cheek to them as well. (CEB) in its literal sense, that if an offender slaps you, you should be a good Christian and take it offering the other cheek.  This is not to say that someone actually taught that but the inference of passivity in the “church”, including but not limited to the COGIC, is a reality.  I am not a violet person but I cannot say with certainty that I would have been able to allow someone permission to play on my face though I believe I would have tried during my super religiousness.  We discovered yesterday that the primary focus of this text is dealing with offenses.  I believe the underlying message of Matthew 5:39 is not to take ownership of any type of offense by holding onto it, cultivating it until you have manifested the act of revenge, blame, hurt, etc.  Using the example of a slap to the face ranks pretty high on the list with regards to offenses especially when we consider the message it sends.  Instead, trust God and let it go because holding onto it (them) will not change the situation or make you feel better.  Giving yourself permission to forgive which ushers in freedom is far less costly than anger which can produce mental and physical reactions.  Believe it or not, you are fighting from a different position, when you fight from the place of liberty, peace and control.  There’s more than one way to fight a battle.

We also discovered that:

·       From the moment we begin to consider giving our lives to Christ the battle begins to dissuade you from making the commitment;

·       That battle is with yourself and the enemy (aka the devil, the accuser, etc.)

·       Salvation is free to us, but it was purchased with the blood that Jesus shed at the whipping post and Calvary’s hill;

·       Without the shedding of our Lord’s blood, there could be no remission (pardon, forgiveness, etc.) of sin.  Hebrews 9:22

·       There was blood in so we could be brought into the family of God and all that represents.  For God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.  1 Corinthians 6:20 (NLT)

That’s a promise from God, but just because it’s a promise doesn’t mean that things will be handed over to us on a flowery bed of ease.  Just as the Children of Israel had to fight for the Promised Land given to them by God, there are promises that we are going to have to fight for. 

Joshua 1:5-9 (CEB):  No one will be able to stand up against you during your lifetime. I will be with you in the same way I was with Moses. I won’t desert you or leave you.  Be brave and strong, because you are the one who will help this people take possession of the land, which I pledged to give to their ancestors.  “Be very brave and strong as you carefully obey all of the Instruction that Moses my servant commanded you. Don’t deviate even a bit from it, either to the right or left. Then you will have success wherever you go.   Never stop speaking about this Instruction scroll. Recite it day and night so you can carefully obey everything written in it. Then you will accomplish your objectives and you will succeed.  I’ve commanded you to be brave and strong, haven’t I? Don’t be alarmed or terrified, because the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  Why did they have to fight for their promise, why do we have to fight for ours?  I won’t pretend to know the mind of God who can certainly snap his finger, blink an eye, etc. and, “wah-lah”, we have whatever it is we asked for (e.g. a spouse, a home, restored health, reconciled relationships, successful business, peace, freedom, etc.).  But how many of you would really appreciate what you have if everything was “just” given to you?  As a whole we appreciate the things we have to work/struggle for far more than the ones we are given. 

Tania Not Tanya Moment:  Joshua 1:5-9 above God tells Joshua to be brave and strong three different times within those five verses. As a rule, when something is repeated it is God’s way of emphasizing a point.  God didn’t tell Joshua about all of the drama he would encounter, but he certainly gave him confidence and forewarned him on the “D.L.” prior to the challenges they would face on their way to Promise.  He gave Joshua instructions on an as needed basis so as not to overwhelm him and Joshua obeyed even though he didn’t fully understand everything that was happening and/or in those times that didn’t make sense: like telling a natural born fighter who is also a skilled warrior, to march around Jericho in complete silence or crossing the Jordan with no boat but when they ultimately walked through the Jordan River on dry land.

In all honesty I believe that somewhere along the journey some of us misinterpreted the instructions and the rest of us fell for the old “name it and claim it okie doke” and the “if God said it, I believe it and that settles it” doctrine.  To be clear, if God speaks to me I can stand assured that he will come through, but it doesn’t guaranty dramaless acquisition of the promise.  Therefore sending in your $26.99 for the special anointed Kleenex or paper towels will make all your prayers come true; or responding to the inbox/text messages (that are nothing more than electronic chain letters) which promise you’re gonna receive a blessing today or an angel is going to visit you if you send the message back to the recipient and 16 and a half other gullible recipients.  We run around naively believing that were goin’ in the enemy’s camp and get our stuff back instantaneously without any challenges, drama or suffering.  People, stop.  Please stop.  Is it possible to take your stuff back from the enemy with no drama? Of course, anything is possible with God, but most likely you’re gonna have to fight to get there (the enemy’s camp).  Chain letters of any sort, $26.99 for a blessing, etc. is not the word of God.  We don’t pay for God’s blessings and/or sending or responding to text messages doesn’t guarantee anything other than the possibility of you exceeding your text message limit or getting a response from somebody asking who you.  If you are strong and courageous enough to go into the enemy’s camp you might encounter some landmines or booby traps that might give you some war wounds, but that won’t take you out if you bum-rushed the enemy and you took the Trinity along with you.  There is no magic to salvation and believing God for the desires of your heart, it takes work, courage, faith and fight.  You’re gonna have to put on your armor, helmet, combat boots, strap yourself with your weapons, hunker down and fight for what you want.  That’s real talk right there and it was free, today.  Can I get a witness up in here; up in here?  Look ‘atcha’ neighbor and say: “neighbor, she got that right.”  Go head, I’ll wait.

How do we fight the spiritual battle?  First we’ve gotta have a clear mind so we can connect with God and get our battle instructions.  It’s important that we pray, but it is also important that we meditate on the word of God, his promises for us and our desired outcome.  God never intended for you to fight alone, that’s a trick to keep you off your game.

Identify the enemy?  If you don’t identify the enemy you may end up fighting the wrong thing or person and perhaps that’s why you don’t have the results or the promise. Who/what is the enemy?  Notice I said “the” instead of “your”.

We need a plan: Fail to plan; plan to fail. 

·       How are you going to fight? Silently? Aggressively?

·       When do you fight?   But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the LORD rescue you today.  Exodus 14:13a (NLT)

·       What weapons?  Praise, the word of God, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, fasting, shoes of peace, all of the above. 

·       Do you need help?  Intercessors, accountability partner, your pastor and/or other leaders.

·       How long?  In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.  1 Peter 5:10 (NLT)

·       I saved the best for last:  Ask God for help: Proverbs 3:1-6 (NLT): My child, never forget the things I have taught you. Store my commands in your heart. If you do this, you will live many years, and your life will be satisfying. Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart. Then you will find favor with both God and people, and you will earn a good reputation. Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

I want to close on this don’t just fight to fight, don’t just fight haphazardly, but fight a good fight, make your Daddy proud.  I’m out of time but you’re not, Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses.  1 Timothy 6:12 (NLT)

In His New and Excellent Service

Tania Not Tanya

Fight Club Pt. 3: Blood In

Hopefully you took the time to identify the type of fighter you are after yesterday’s declaration, Fight Club Pt. 2: What Kind Of Fighter Are You?  As odd as it may seem I would venture to say that most people probably have not taken the time to consider their fighting style, especially Born Again Believers.  If asked their justification would most likely be Matthew 5:39 (CEB):  But I say to you that you must not oppose those who want to hurt you. If people slap you on your right cheek, you must turn the left cheek to them as well.  How many of you believe that Jesus intended for us to be punching bags to demonstrate humility and/or your level of deepness?  In my sanctified imagination, I hear God saying:  “Why are you standing here, looking toward heaven?” Acts 1:11a (CEB)?  Am I advocating violence?  No, of course not.   

If someone walked up to me out of the clear blue and slapped me in my face there is no question that person would be under the power and influence of the devil.  Born Again Believers who are in right fellowship with God have authority over the devil and his evil powers through and by the blood of Jesus Christ.  To be clear, this power is available to us because of our relationship with God (through Jesus) and his power literally resides in us, if and only if, we are in right fellowship with God.  Can I prove this?  Absolutely:  These miraculous signs will accompany those who believe: They will cast out demons in my name, and they will speak in new languages.  They will be able to handle snakes with safety, and if they drink anything poisonous, it won’t hurt them. They will be able to place their hands on the sick, and they will be healed.”  Matthew 16:17-18 (NLT).  

Tania Not Tanya Nugget:  Sane Born Again Believers don’t purposefully stick their hands in snake pits to demonstrate they have special powers; nor do they purposely ingest poison to demonstrate their ability to withstand its affects.  This text was written in a time period where the primary source for traveling was a good pair of sandals.  Their travels led them through rural areas where snakes could easily be found.  We must also consider the fact that the “houses” they lived in were not nearly as insulated and sophisticated as modern homes today.  It was common practice to kill someone using poison whereas today the common practice is a bullet.  The Matthews verse above is a promise to us that if we find ourselves in danger, we can take authority over that situation.  Let’s jump back to our subject. 

I could be wrong, but my humble opinion is that it would be illogical for me to stand or sit in front of a demon possessed person and allow them to punk me by slapping me upside the head.  I hear you, but what if the person brought the trouble (aka the slap) on themselves; what if I they did something that earned them the right to be slapped.  That would be classified as criminal battery which is: the use of force against another, resulting in harmful, offensive or sexual contact and it may also be viewed as an assault, which is: a threat of bodily harm coupled with an apparent, present ability to cause the harm. It is both a crime and a tort and, therefore, may result in either criminal and/or civil liability.  A “tort” is a wrongful act, not including a breach of contract or trust, that results in injury to another's person, property, reputation, or the like, and for which the injured party is entitled to compensation.   If a “slap” is classified as illegal, a tort and punishable by criminal or civil liability by our predominantly wicked judicial system, can you imagine how God classifies an attack on his children?  He takes it so serious that he said:  And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.  Mark 9:42 (KJV).    In essence if someone offends us (e.g. lies to you, manipulates you, tricks you out of your resources, slaps you, etc.) s/he’s better off jumping in a lake and calling it quits, because God’s is not going to stand by and allow people to take advantage of his children, just like you wouldn’t let anyone take advantage of yours.  So you can stand around and let people slap you in the face if you want to, it’s left up to you, but according to the word, you have authority over the devil and his tricks and you have the law on your side.     

Tania Not Tanya Nugget:  Did I just give you permission to fight and go blow for blow with a hater?  No ma’am, no sir.  Protecting yourself by ducking or blocking the gesture is absolutely in order and if it’s possible you can quickly leave the area.  Most importantly it is important for you to quickly engage in spiritual warfare and instinctively pray for wisdom.  I don’t mean one of those long drawn out Baptist or COGIC singing prayers:  “oh Lord, I need you to help me right now, Jesus.  Master, there’s trouble on every side.  The devil is trying to make me fight, but Oh, Lord, you know my heart; I don’t wanna go off on this woman, Give me a sign Father, down hemmmm.”  No, unless the person is slapping you in really slow motion you won’t have time for that kind of prayer, however, a quick: “Jesus” or “Help me God” will suffice because there is still time to duck, block or quickly leave the area.  What then is the heart of the text from Matthew 5:39 above (But I say to you that you must not oppose those who want to hurt you. If people slap you on your right cheek, you must turn the left cheek to them as well?) I believe it is handling offenses.  Jesus used this extreme example of an offense to demonstrate how we can make the choice not to be offended by the offender’s offense by retaliating with vengeance.  “Turning the cheek” is simply self-control which is the power to controls one emotions on purpose.  It’s also a method of fighting.  If someone offended you, let it (the offense) go and keep it pushin’.  Or wallow in it and punch them (offend them back), it’s left up to you.

Let’s get to the heart of the subject.  First and foremost once you even begin thinking about giving your life completely to God a battle ensues led by the enemy which we also refer to as Satan, the Devil, the Accuser, etc.  He will throw everything at you including the kitchen sink to attempt to dissuade you from making the life altering decision to completely surrender your life to God.  However, once you make the conscious decision to do so, the battle is on.  You are indoctrinated as a soldier in the army of God, a fighter.

It is imperative that you understand how you can instantaneously go from a filthy, wretched sinner to a fully forgiven Born Again Believer.  You are forgiven of every cotton pickin’ thing you have ever done or thought of doing.  Even those things that you think no one knows about, yeah, that one, yup that one too, uh huh, and all of those.  It’s so instant that it almost feels as if nothing happens but don’t underestimate the power of forgiveness by your loving Father, God.  You don’t have to work for it, save for it, lay it away or charge it; because it (the gift of Salvation) is absolutely free.   F R E E!! You couldn’t buy it even if you wanted to because God wanted there to be an equal level playing field for everyone.  Poor people, middle class (if there is such a thing anymore), rich people, illiterates, doctorates, employees, business owners, etc. have access to this free gift.

Yes Salvation is free to us, but it wasn’t free.  Someone had to pay a huge price for us voluntarily.  After a universal search which produced no qualified candidates, Jesus made the choice to accept the call.  When the time was right, He paid the price in full, in advance (for us) with his blood, the blood he shed on Calvary for the remission of our sins.  What does this have to do with fighting?  Hold on, I’m getting there.  First I want to be clear we all understand what took place in order that we could have free access to Salvation 24/7; 365 and when there is a leap year, 366 days a year.  Let’s look at the phrase above “remission of sin”.  The word remission means:  to pardon; forgiveness, as of sins or offenses; the relinquishment of a payment, obligation, etc.  Without the shedding of our Lord’s blood, there could be no remission (pardon, forgiveness, etc.) of sin.  We would have been doomed to eternal damnation with no way of escape.  Blood in; so we could be brought in. Brought into what?  The Family of God and all that represents.  For God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.  1 Corinthians 6:20 (NLT)

I’m out of time, we’ll continue the fight journey tomorrow.

In His New and Excellent Service

Tania Not Tanya

Fight Club Pt. 2: What Kind of Fighter are You?

Yesterday we discussed the various types of fights (blood sports) that existed as early as the 1500s, however, blood sports existed in the Roman Public and Roman Empire as early as 1^st Century BC.  The use of Gladiators to fight their peers, slaves and animals; animals against animals including but not limited to dogs was common.  During these barbaric times there was no ACLU, Animal Rights, etc.  These fights took place in public places as form of entertainment for patrons and they generated lots of money.  Somehow dog and gamecock fighting stood the test of time and while they are illegal in the United States, several countries continue to use animal fighting as a form of entertainment.  “Cage fighting” has become quite popular which to me is a mixture of martial arts, boxing and street brawling.  Underground "fight clubs"  similar to that of the 1999 movie starring Brad Pitt and Edward Nolton also generate “big money”. 

During the Love Life and Victory, the call after the “Call” there was an interesting dialogue which consisted of several Victors sharing their experience as youth.  No one identified themselves as a bully but several admitted that they were “fighters”.  They were as follows:

·       Number 1: recalled being somewhat “scary” until she realized that if she fought, people were less likely to try and bully or take advantage of her.  She did very little talking about what she was going to do to someone and opted to act without the person even realizing what was happening.

·       Number 2: recalls the intent to avoid fights, not out of fear of the challenger(s) (which most people assumed) but out of fear of what she might do to them, because if pushed past her threshold she would go “so hard in the paint” she would almost black out (for lack of a better term) ultimately losing control so she intentionally avoided fights.

·       Number 3: readily admits being a fighter plain and simple.

·       Number 4: admitted to avoiding fights at all costs because he knew that he would “lose it” and couldn’t be responsible for what happened during a fight because he would not be able to listen to reasonable thoughts externally or internally.   Number 5:  stated that she was not a physical fighter but fought best with words.  Several others admitted to this type of fighting as well, whether written or spoken.

When I was eleven years old I recall one fight that was completely unfair with a boy who “liked me” and was angry with me because I didn’t “like him back”.  Well maybe I would have “liked” him back if I had known but instead of writing me a note, telling someone to tell me he liked me or actually telling me himself, he resorted to violence.  Now that I think about it, the girl that was the bully of our school who was clearly jealous of me was egging him on the most in front of the growing crowd.  I tried to escape to my home just three blocks from the school and thought I had been rescued when a neighbor intervened and told everybody to leave me alone and to go home.  Those were the days when children actually respected and listened to adults without cussing them out or shooting them.  Unfortunately the neighbor didn’t walk me home and as I walk-ran the rest of the way and just before I turned the corner onto my street, KC met me from the opposite direction and before I knew it he hit be right in the mouth and busted my lip.  He probably still has a scar on his shin from the forceful kick that I gave him almost simultaneously.

If you will recall from yesterday’s declaration (blog) I explained that all fighting is not physical.  We can fight for a cause by donating our resources, time and/or money; by advocating for the rights of others as well as ourselves; by voting; by abstaining from certain things, etc.  Though all of us may not be physical fighters, I believe that we all have a certain amount of fight in us that is instinctive and fits our character.   

What kind of fighter are you? 

If you are over 18 and you’re still fighting physically have you considered the type of example you are setting for your children and/or those connected to you?  Perhaps you don’t fight physically but the words you use in your verbal fights deliver blows just as painful as a sucker punch and/or cut like sharp razors hidden under your tongue, again, have you considered the example you are setting? 

Do you ignore warning signs and/or retreat when situations arise?  Or do you pretend that nothing is wrong and avoid the situation(s) completely as if they don’t exist and opt for silence?

When drama surfaces do you pounce like a lion, reacting first and asking questions later?   How many times have you allowed your emotions to dictate the outcome only to discover later that you overreacted or reacted in error?  Did you apologize?  Would that be breaking the Fight Club rules?

Are you the type of fighter that can see it (the fight) brewing?  Do you create a strategic plan which
includes your favorite weapon of choice, back up team if needed and a couple of escape routes?

When you have run out of options, the people you thought you could count can’t be found, do you have the stamina, the stick-to-it-ness, the backbone to stand in the face of your enemy(ies)?

Do you whine and complain about how unfair the fight is in hopes that the fight will disappear?  Do you self-medicate, overeat or check out mentally?

Do you fight yourself by sabotaging any progress or success you make and then blame others for your lack and/or failure?

What kind of fighter are you?

I’m out of time, we’ll continue the fight journey tomorrow.

In His New and Excellent Service

Tania Not Tanya