Bullies Internal and External: Pt. 2

Damitra walked across the stage with a smile as big as Texas but if you knew her journey you would understand why she was beaming like the Las Vegas strip.  You would have thought that she had won the Pulitzer or Nobel Prize given the way her friends, family and well-wishers were celebrating.  Rather than keep you in suspense any longer let’s take a peak at Damitra’s journey up to this point.

Damitra was born in 1997 to a single mother, LaShawntaniqua, who was only 15 when she became a mom for the second time.  With a name like LaShawntaniqua a nick name is mandatory so she answered to Lala.  Lala needed another baby like she needed a hole in her head, at least that’s what her grandmother said just before she cussed her out for about 30 minutes.  Lala was used to her cussing so she tuned her out until she heard her string words together that she had never heard before and made a mental note to use them in the future.  She always knew when granny was done cussin’ because she would end the PG-Rated temper tantrum with her favorite phrase:  “wit cho dumb a%@!!.”  Lala lived with her paternal grandmother because her mother (LaShawn) died giving birth to her; her father (Sal) went to pieces after her death and granny “rescued” her because her dad was drowning in his bottle and it would have killed her too.     

Damitra and her brother Wayne, Jr. grew up in the house with their great-grandmother whom they called Granny Fran, mother, their alcoholic grandfather and sometimes one of their mother’s boyfriends whom they were told to call uncle. 

Tania not Tanya moment:  Can someone please tell me why some women tell their children to call their boyfriends, “John’s” “tricks” uncle?  I guess the rationale is that they believe they are protecting their reputation, maybe? But it just seems so odd to me because the picture that is engrained in a child’s mind has to be confusing when they finally realize what an uncle really is and does.

Wayne, Jr. was as smart as s whip.  He loved school, he was obedient, courteous, respectful, almost the perfect child.  Damitra was just as obedient, courteous, respectful, etc.  She was an amazing math wizard, could calculate practically any numerical combination you threw at her (that was age appropriate) but she was an even better artist.  She could draw anything she saw almost to the exact likeness, it was amazing.  But with all of that talent she had grown to hate school.  She started lying about having a stomach ache, headache and any kind of ache you could think of.  When she was forced to go to school she spent the majority of her time in the counselor or principal’s office.  No one could figure out why this beautiful creative little girl was having such a hard time learning and why she was trying so desperately to stay away from school.  Her mother, Lala was busy working two jobs to keep a roof over her extended family’s head, her grandfather was too drunk most of the time to offer any assistance so the responsibility fell on Granny Fran to handle the behavioral issues at school.  No one could figure out why Damitra was so angry at school but so well-mannered at home, it was as if she had a split personality. 

Because of her poor performance she was held back and ultimately assigned to a special needs class which was absolutely humiliating for her.  In one of those rare occasions when her grandfather was sober enough to have a cohesive conversation with her, he encouraged her to make the most of her situation.  He reminded her how beautiful and smart she was and told her that she could help the other students in her class with their math and art.  She decided to give it her best and followed his advice.  She learned very quickly how to put up her defensive wall and tune people to avoid trouble because Granny Fran had threatened to come up to the school and “beat the ‘stupid’ out of her if she got one more call about her showing her tail.

Her teacher, Mr. Promise, was amazing, he saw her giftedness and was able to use her as his helper for both math and art which gave Damitra the confidence booster she needed while she was in class.  Outside of the class was a completely different story.  She put up her wall as soon as she left the classroom, however, some of her peers insisted in climbing over the wall she had so adequately erected to antagonize her even more and they decided to show up every day at the same time.  They assumed because she didn’t lash out at them the first few times they climbed over the wall that it was all good.  The names they used were cruel, especially when they called her a “stupid retard” with extra “dumbness”.  She decided she wouldn’t get them at school, she was going to wait until they got off the bus when they started to go their separate ways because they weren’t as brave when they were separate as they were when they were together.  Damitra wasn’t scared of anybody because Grandpa Sal had taught her and Wayne, Jr. how to fight.  She didn’t fight because she was afraid of Granny Fran but enough was enough.

There were approximately 4-5 girls that hung out regularly in this pact and they all rode the bus to and from school.  The two primary culprits got off the bus at the same stop as Damitra and lived within about one block of each other.  Damitra picked this rainy Friday as the payday for them because Granny Fran had a doctor’s appointment so if she was late coming home, she wouldn’t know it.  They got to their stop, the two girls got off first and she followed. They laughed at taunted Damitra as they walked down the street mean mugging her intermittently as they walked carefree down the street.  Joan, the big fat “Shrek” looking girl turned the corner and went down her street.  Shirley and Damitra continued walking toward their homes and just as Shirley was about to turn the corner she turned to mean mug Damitra one more time and her mugging was met with a punch right in the face followed by rapid punches to the head and face.  Damitra beat Shirley so bad that she fell to the ground in a fetal position and wet her pants.  Damitra picked up her stuff and walked home feeling on top of the world. 

She didn’t ride the bus to school Monday because she had a morning dentist appointment but she did ride the bus home after school.  She never said a word to Shirley but she took the seat right in back of her which was rare. Baby Shrek who was sitting next to Shirley turned around and mean mugged her but Shirley never said a word which was odd to Baby Shrek.  When they got to their stop, Shirley walk ran and Damitra went to town on Baby Shrek as soon as the bus took off.  They were right across the street from the playground and before they knew it a crowd of kids had surrounded them as they yelled “Fight, Fight”, “oh” “awe man”.  Unfortunately Damitra didn’t get to finish because Baby Shrek took off running.  From that point forward no one dared to call Damitra stupid, dumb, regard or anything else, at least to her face. 

I’m out of time, we’ll have to pick it up tomorrow.

In His New Excellence

Tania Not Tanya