Josay also known as JoJo, was
seven years older than Maryetta whom most people in their small knit community
referred to as Emee, but he loved that girl for as long as he could
remember. He started to notice her when she was 14, not
in a freaky, pedophilic kind of way, but she stood out from the other young
girls her age by the way they talked and carried themselves. It seemed that whenever she made up her mind
to do something or she was given a task she may not have fully understood, she
found a way to get the job done and on top of her creativity, resourcefulness,
etc. she was pretty. He tried to
rationalize in his mind why a relationship with her wouldn’t work because of
their age difference and did his best to ignore the feelings he had by dating
other girls his age, but no one seemed to hold his interest. The irony is that he and Emee had never
engaged in any meaningful conversation so there was nothing to legitimately
base his feelings on other than his heart.
So why not just talk to
her? I know you may be thinking the
obvious was the age difference, oddly though, that wasn’t the issue. They lived by very strict customs and traditions
that most of us would consider over-the-top, even as Believers. For example:
the girls were trained to be domestics – cooking, cleaning, gardening,
caring for children, etc. This was not
to diminish females it was just that the emphasis was on the males were the
primary bread winners. Ninety-five
percent of the community were business owners; they grew their own livestock
and agriculture; the children attended same gender schools throughout their
educational training; young women were generally escorted by a chaperone or in
the company of a group of others. So as
innocent as it may seem for us today, approaching a young woman alone was completely
out of the question. Prayer was incorporated in everything they
did, whether it was at dinner time or at a town council meeting because they prided
themselves on being God-fearing people that held the Holy Scriptures in high
esteem and used these scriptures as the law of their community. Obviously
you could imagine that family values ranked in the top five of this community’s
belief system which meant that there were no illegitimate pregnancies, single
parenting (unless there was a death of a spouse), divorce as we know it was
virtually nonexistent.
JoJo finally worked up the
nerve to speak with his father about his feelings for Emee. He was relieved when his father sat him down
and talked to him about his experience with his wife, JoJo’s mother, thirty
years ago. This was new for JoJo because
his father, Matt, rarely shared intimate things with him, which allowed JoJo to
see a different side of his dad. At the
conclusion of their conversation, Matt agreed to help his son start the formal
marriage process. Wait a minute, hold
up? How do we even know that Emee is
even interested in JoJo? She’s just a
young teenager with her entire life in front of her. It’s a mute issue? Why?
Did I mention that in addition to the customs referred to above that “arranged
marriages” especially to younger teens were also a part of their customs,
complete with dowries? No? Ok, well now I am. I hear you, don’t judge, just listen a little
more.
Matt met with Samuel, Emee’s
father. They agreed it would be good for
both families to join together from a political and economic standpoint and it
would be good for business. The next
step was to agree on a price and they did.
Emee was fully aware of what was going on because she had been groomed
for this day, she just wasn’t sure who her suitor was because she was kept
isolated until the negotiations were completed.
She was then escorted to the meeting room where she saw JoJo and her
knees buckled. Her father felt her
weight shift as he escorted her in and ever so gently tightened his grip to
ensure she wouldn’t fall. Samuel knew by
his daughter’s body language and the five other daughters he had married off that
this was a good sign. After the pleasantries
and they bid each other a good night and Emee and her mother Tabitha spent half
the night planning the festivities which would be held in a few short weeks.
JoJo called on her quite
often over the next few weeks all under the watchful eye of Tabitha or her chaperon Lizzy. The more time they
spent together (regardless of their chaperones) the harder it seemed to leave
each other. It seemed too good to be
true, as if it was a fairytale, but this was real. Everyone in their small community had heard
about their engagement and there was definitely a love bug in the air.
A few weeks later early
one morning while Emee lay in bed praying and thanking God for her soon to be
husband she heard a man call her name.
Surely it wasn’t Jojo sneaking around this early in the morning but to
be certain she went to her bedroom window but didn’t see anything so she
dismissed the sound and got back in bed.
She closed her eyes and just as she began to pray again, she heard the
same voice say: Good morning! You’re beautiful with God’s beauty,
Beautiful inside and out! God be with you. Emee Shocked,
scared and confused the Messenger, Gabriel, continued to speak prophetically
over her life and by the time he completed the conversation she knew her life
would never be the same. She couldn’t
wait to tell JoJo. She was scheduled to
travel to see her older cousin Betty to assist her during the latter part of
her pregnancy but she decided she would take a detour so she could give Joseph
the exciting news but when she told him she was pregnant and that he wasn’t her
baby’s daddy the look of disappointment on his face and the sadness in his eyes
were unexplainable.
He was clearly angry but
he didn’t raise his voice. He sat for a
long while without saying anything. His
silence was deafening but the tears that rushed down his face stinging like
acid were more than she could take. She
began to weep and pray as she sat in silence for him to say something,
anything. Neither of them cared that
they were breaking custom of being together without a chaperone. After what seemed like an eternity he finally
spoke just above a whisper and told her he would think of something and
suggested that she leave before people began to talk. “Leave, think of something” she thought to
herself as she walked out of the door.
As she continued on her journey she couldn’t understand why he wasn’t as
excited as she was and then it hit her like a ton of bricks. He must think that I have been unfaithful to
him, but that’s not true. I am still a
virgin, I know what God’s messenger said to me.
I’m going to have a baby that JoJo and I will raise together even though
he is not my baby’s daddy. She prayed
this prayer: “God, I don’t know why you
chose me but I am willing to be a vessel for you. I pray that you will comfort JoJo in what
must be a very confusing time for him, Amen.”
JoJo was so upset that he
left work. He dare not tell anyone for
fear of bringing shame on Emee and her family.
Regardless of what she had done, he still loved her but this was
unthinkable. He had been faithful to
God, his family and to Emee, how could this happen? The only logical thing to do was to call off
the engagement privately and advise her to stay with Betty and Zach until she
had the baby. He would provide the
support she needed up until she had the baby and after that he would be done
with her. It was the middle of the night
be then, his brain was mush and he was physically beat so he decided to go to
bed and while he slept he had a dream he will never forget. The very same Messenger appeared to him and
told him not to change his plans about marriage because his fiancé was telling
the truth in that her pregnancy was ordained by God to give birth to a son
which they are to call Jesus interpreted ‘God
saves’—because he will save his people from their sins.” When he woke up, he did exactly as the Messenger
instructed and never again cared that he wasn’t Mary’s baby’s daddy – at least biologically. He loved that baby like he was his own.
There’s a saying: “Momma’s
baby; daddy’s maybe.” This was the case thousands of years ago but
it is even more prevalent today. I shared with some friends yesterday a true story about my eldest son
discovering that his youngest child was not his biological son and that when
baby’s mother voluntarily told me in humility that her son (Emmanuel)
was not my son’s son. It was disappointing but not devastating to the point
that I wanted to take it out on the child and I told her that Emmanuel would always be my grandson.
In fact, unbeknownst to me, my ex-husband had the same reaction as I
did. We both said that Emmanuel is still
my grandson.
He is included in family functions, everyone embraces him and Emmanuel runs my
son like a vacuum: “Daddy, do this; give
me that; come play spider man with me; etc. you would never know the
difference. I realize that my son’s love
for Emmanuel may not be comparable to that of Joseph and Jesus, but every
cotton picking time I see the two of them interact, the way he tenderly and
selflessly cares for Emmanuel with all sincerity, it gives me a glimpse into
the past of what it must have been like for Joseph to teach Jesus about life,
respecting his mother, carpentry skills, etc.
I know this doesn’t come
as a surprise, but “baby-daddy” drama and/or relationships aren’t anything new. However, you may not be aware that they date
back thousands of years and contrary to popular opinion, it is possible to have
good healthy father-son relationships with men and boys that are not
biologically related. It’s also possible
to co-parent children though you are no longer in a relationship with the
parent, it’s a matter of choice and selflessness.
I’m out of time
In His New Excellence
Tania Not Tanya
No comments:
Post a Comment