Raising Frankensteins -- Walking in Integrity Pt. 2

Yesterday we were introduced to Shelby and Currant the sons of single fathers, Orin and C2 (aka Currant Tymes, II).  Shelby and Currant met at their elementary school after school program, discovered they had several personal similarities (physical features, love of baseball, animals, cookie dough ice cream, allergy to peanuts) they both had a slight stutter and they were both left handed.  Though they were the only two stuttering lefties in their after school program they were confident with their unique attributes, at least as confident as elementary students could be, but they received extra attention from one of their teachers, Miss Matheson, who was also a leftie.  The time she invested in them affirming how special they were, showing them how to write comfortably, use scissors, etc. was priceless.  She impacted them in ways they didn’t even realize were possible.  The boys were naturally charismatic, obedient, respectful, cute and a joy to work with and they were especially drawn to Miss M (as they called her). It may have been because she was kind, young and pleasing to the eyes of both little boys but it probably was because they missed the nurturing they should have received from their mothers (who were absent).

Orin and C2 had very little in common other than being single fathers whose baby’s momma’s had abandoned their sons at very young ages; lived in the same apartment complex and absolutely adored their sons.  Orin was a military brat who lived abroad for several years before his father was finally stationed in California but instead of rebelling against the structure he embraced it and made it a part of his life.  He did a short stint in the Navy but decided against making it a career.  He preferred a simple life and had done an amazing job planning for his future.  His financial discipline had finally paid off because he was now in a position to purchase a home.  He had more than enough for a down payment, great credit score and could have settled for a brand new home in the suburbs but he decided on a fixer upper instead.  His rationale was that it would be more economical but the primary reason is that it would allow him to teach Shelby some general contracting skills that would always come in handy but the time they were going to spend creating and building together was going to create memories that would be priceless.  C2 on the other hand was more laid back. He resisted structure because it reminded him of the strict way his father raised him and he vowed he would never be a hypocritical parent that "preached" one thing, lived another and refused to deny his son the “normal” normal things that kids should be able to participate in.    

The challenge for C2 was that the lack of structure he was modeling for his son was unhealthy and irresponsible.  The irony was that when Currant didn’t make the type of choices that C2 preferred, it irritated him.  He didn’t lose his temper to the point of abusing him physically, instead he shut down and didn’t interact with Currant for a day or two which was pure agony for his son who was a talkative free spirit who loved to be engaged.  He was crushed when his dad gave him the silent treatment and slowly began to build a wall of resentment.  Now as a freshman who had just entered high school he became more involved in extracurricular and normal teenage activities.  He was growing up a lot faster than C2 had anticipated and at 14 years old he wore a size 14 shoe, was 6’ tall and weighed 180 lbs.  He wasn’t intimidated by his son’s size because he himself was 6’5’ and 275 lbs of lean muscle, but he was concerned about the assertiveness he noticed and what he believed was slight rebellion.  It wasn’t something that was out of control, but he was starting to feel like his free spirited lifestyle was more costly than he anticipated, but what really concerned him was Currant’s disbelief in god and disregard for the church. 

Tania Not Tanya Moment:  Really?  Come on, man.  How could C2 think he could live a carefree life, no structure, no healthy boundaries and expect that something was going to automatically click once Currant turned a certain age and morph into what C2 imagined – a well-rounded responsible kid capable of making good moral decisions with values that speak to his worth as a young man and a productive, responsible member of society?  Do you remember yesterday’s blog when I called C2 irresponsible?  This is why I called him irresponsible.  He didn’t parent his son because he hadn’t worked out his parental issues with his father, the good Rev. Currant Tymes, I.  Now push has come to shove, Currant is going to be 18 and a legal adult in four years and he is nowhere near as mature as C2 when he left Baltimore at 18.  Those type of qualities are not transmitted through osmosis or magic and they don’t just wake up one morning with them.  It takes years of training, reinforcement, modeling, discipline, rewards, etc. for children to learn what is and is not appropriate; how to overcome peer pressure; remain focused; be respectful; do the right thing regardless of who’s watching (e.g. parents, authority figures, peers, “friends”, etc.).  The best time to start the foundational instruction is as early as possible and in my opinion it’s never too early, because by the time they are teenagers the morals and values have been instilled in them to the point that even if they get off track, they are limits to how far off they will go.  How can I say this with such confidence?

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.  Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

But that’s not the tip of the iceberg for C2, his son has no relationship with God, in fact, the reason C2 is trippin’ is because Currant told him he wasn’t convinced there was a God.  He believed there was a Supreme Being but he wasn’t sure who or what the Supreme Being was and he did not believe in heaven or hell.  He believed that once you die your dead; that’s it; that’s all.   This caused C2 to lose sleep at night; he was re-thinking his position on the carefree lifestyle and the price he was paying years later.  This wasn’t what he had in mind and he had to admit now that he had created a Frankenstein and he had to do something quick, fast, and in a hurry to correct this monumental mistake, but what?  Selah

Meanwhile, Orin, the heathen who grew up in a two parent home like C2 but was not forced to go to church was living a productive life and had few challenges with Shelby.  He started taking Shelby to a neighborhood church when he was seven years old because he knew that Shelby needed to be nurtured by a woman.  No matter how hard he tried to make up for the missing link (Shelby’s mom) it was impossible to nurture him maternally.  He identified a woman who met that need without overstepping her bounds, in a way that he never imagined.  You must understand that Orin was very protective of his Shelby.  He didn’t just let anyone interact with him.  He watched, prayed and waited for God to put the right person in their lives and God sent a woman, Mother Odell Grayson, who absolutely loved and adored children, especially Shelby.  She called him “Lemon Drop” because he was sweet and high yellow.  But after about a year a co-worker invited Orin to his church and he and Shelby had been attending faithfully from that point on.  It was hard to leave especially because of Mother Grayson, but Orin knew it was the right thing to do because the new church had an amazing youth and singles ministry, something they both needed.  The church incorporated 21^st century tools in their ministry (e.g. technology, social media, on-line giving, distance learning (Webinars), etc.).  He readily admitted that the church saved his life and now he was ready to be the husband God designed him to be and a few months later he found the perfect mate (for him) and now that they had completed their pre-marital counseling he was ready to tie the knot but he promised his bride to be a June wedding so they waited faithfully and counted the days.   

I’m out of time so we’ll have to pick it up tomorrow.

Because of his undeserving favor

Tania not Tanya