Libby and Nancy are cousins, they were born 10 days apart to
two sisters that were born 10 years apart.
Though they didn’t look alike, the moms would often dress them alike and
people would swear they were twins.
Nancy, the older of the two was a little more “aggressive” than Libby
and she took full advantage of that on many occasions when she realized it was
effective.
Libby was kind-hearted, more
of a peacemaker – in the making.
For example:
If Libby didn’t agree with Nancy’s idea,
Nancy would manipulate her by telling Libby that she wasn’t going to be her
cousin anymore.
Poor little Libby would
be crushed and give in to the demands.
Nancy
fed her own little ego and began to cultivate this selfish discovery and used
it frequently to get her way. As she fine-tuned her craft she would even go
days without speaking to Libby, which was almost unbearable for her.
When the girls were about 6 or 7 Libby lamented
to her mom, Amira, that “Nancy wasn’t being her cousin”.
Amira was fully aware of Nancy’s manipulative
tricks but didn’t interfere with Libby’s life lessons, but it was time to step
in so she had the following conversation with Libby and said:
“Libby, you’re a big girl now.
It’s important to figure out a way to handle
Nancy so that you’re not so upset when she says these things to you.
Nancy cannot decide not to be your
cousin.
Her mom (you’re Auntie Lovey) and
I are sisters which makes the two of you cousins.
Nancy cannot change that, you can’t change it
in fact no one can.
She can decide not
to be your friend and if she does, it’s ok.
Did you start bleeding when she told you that?”
Libby replied “No.”; “Did you die when she
told you that?”
Libby replied “No,
Mommy, I’m talking to you.” You have other friends, right?”
Libby replied: “yes”.
Amira continued: “It’s not that Nancy doesn’t
want to be your cousin she just wants to get her way but if you say ‘No’ she
uses something that she knows will hurt your feelings to get her way.
That’s called manipulation and if you use it
to hurt people it’s wrong.
So, if Nancy
doesn’t want to be your friend that is her loss because she will miss out on
being with an incredibly beautiful little girl who is kind, smart and
important.
That means no more special
treats when we bake together, missing your sleepover parties, playing with your
Barbie dolls and all of the fun stuff you can do with your other friends.
Do you understand what I mean?”
Libby shook her head yes as tears rolled down
her little cheeks.
Amira continued:
“I know it might hurt a little bit right
now.
I had a friend who used to do the
same thing to me, but when you start playing with your other friends and
cousins, you probably won’t be so sad.
The next time Nancy tells you she is not going to be your cousin anymore
tell her ‘OK’ and let’s see what she does.
Is that a deal?”
Libby shook her
head yes.
Amira continued: “Great, go
and wipe your face and when Daddy gets home we’ll go on a mother daughter date
and he can stay home with your little brothers.”
I’m sure all of us can identify with the Nancy’s in our
lives (who by the way grew up to be a “master manipulator”) even if you were
the Nancy. It’s the introduction of
dealing with offenses, rejection and condemnation. Everyone will deal with offenses at one point
or another (Luke 17:1: …It
is impossible that no offenses should come…)
If you’re the type of person who forgives quickly and ignores them, it’s no big
deal, but for the people like little Libby who are easily offended it could be
a major problem, even as an adult. Why
is that? I’m glad you asked. In our lesson yesterday “Move, Get Out Of My Way” we talked
about the toxicity of unforgiveness and that it:
- Ties
the hands of God: But when you are praying, first forgive
anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will
forgive your sins, too. Mark 11:25 (NLT)
- Causes
God to turn a deaf ear to your prayers.
But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father
in heaven forgive your failings and shortcomings Mark 11:26 (AMP)
- Causes
God not to receive your financial gifts.
So if when you
are offering your gift at the altar you there remember that your brother has
any [grievance] against you; Leave
your gift at the altar and go. First make peace with your brother, and then
come back and present your gift. Matthew
5:23-24 (AMP)
- Affects
your faith, your belief system, causing you to reason with the word.
Unforgiveness breads negative thoughts which turn to negative speech which will
cancel out your faith every single time because faith is firm relying trust in God and His word and your actions of
unforgiveness say “I don’t trust God” to heal me from ….. If there is no trust, there is no faith.
Unforgiveness and condemnation go hand in hand and without
fail you will condemn your accuser for what they did, when the did it, how long
they did it, who they did it with, etc. and those accusations will be fueled
with lethal venom created to kill. Kill
what? Your spirit and the spirit of those who you spew it on even if they are
your supporting cast. After a while the
story gets old and people don’t want to hear it anymore, they’re like “Get over
it already” even though they may not say it to your face. What can we do when
(not if) offenses show up?
- Guard your mind, stop the negative thoughts in
their tracks: and the peace of God, which
surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7 (NLT)
- Refrain from the urge to retaliate: Good sense makes a man restrain his anger, and it is his glory to
overlook a transgression or an
offense. Proverbs 19:11 (AMP)
- Pray and ask for God’s help,
guidance, wisdom: Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find;
keep on knocking [reverently] and
[the door] will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7 (AMP)
In His Humble Excellence
Tan
No comments:
Post a Comment