Paisley
and Fresca grew up in the same neighborhood and attended the same schools. Fresca became a registered nurse and Paisley landed
a really good job right out of high school.
They were approaching their mid-30s, single, no children, both loved God
but wanted to be married and start a family.
Paisley was a beautiful young lady, she was loyal, a great listener and
gave great advice, but she seriously lacked self-confidence. She was the
darkest child among her siblings and they reminded her of it constantly as a
child along with many others, including adults. There was even a rumor that her
mom, Luisa, may have “stepped out on her dad”, Chester. Fresca was just as beautiful inside and out
but she always struggled with her weight.
She had tried every diet you can think of only to have minimal,
short-term success and what she lost she gained back and some. The weight was starting to be an embarrassment
especially since she was a personal stylist and make-up artist in high demand.
Over
lunch one Saturday Paisley told Fresca that she had scheduled a gastric by-pass
consultation but she wasn’t sure if it was God’s will. Fresca was stunned and immediately starting
asking a ton of questions. Initially
Paisley was a little defensive, but she knew Fresca was only asking out of
concern but when Fresca asked if she was getting help to work on her the root
of her weight challenges that ticked Paisley off and she let Fresca have
it: “look at the kettle calling the pot
black, no pun intended, but you have been dealing with low self-esteem for years, how are you
gonna talk to me about my issues?”
Fresca
turned red, but Paisley couldn’t see it. She was
seething on the inside because that was a sore spot for Fresca and Paisley knew
it. She took a breath, asked God for
help and said: “Sister, I would never
intentionally say anything to hurt you. We both have past hurts that have led
to our emotional challenges but we are, stuck and I’m tired of being stuck. I’m tired of wearing a mask.
I want to be healed from feeling the way I do about myself. One of the reasons I wanted to meet with you
is to tell you I’ve
been talking to a psychologist who is a saved spirit filled Believer. I’ve seen him five times and we begin and end
with prayer and he even uses the bible to back up his counseling advice. It feels more like an individual bible study
on steroids. When he told me that this
was a spiritual attack against me and that I was in the fight for me life
something inside me clicked. I’ve heard
that phrase before but I didn’t think it applied to me in this situation. I never saw my family as attacking me but the
enemy has used their words to do so. At
my last session we developed a strategic plan for my healing and I don’t need
to ask God if this is His will because he wants me to live in peace and to be
whole. Here it is:
1. Affirm myself every day. I have love notes written to myself all over
my house so when I feel the self-hatred try to rise I see positive affirmations: You are beautiful; You are the apple of God’s eye; I
will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are your
works, and that my soul knows very well. (Psalm 139:14); Black power – I’m full of
it; The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice; Fresca, I love you girl and
then I smile and hug myself. It’s like I’m falling
in love with myself, not in a sick kind of way, but I can feel my confidence
rising. My co-workers even see a
difference. Somebody started a rumor
that I must have a “Man” because I’m smiling all the time and you know what I haven’t said
anything different because I do have a man, Jesus, and He loves me for who I
am. The key word is that I have to SAY
something to combat the self-hatred that I have been battling for years.
Romans 12:2 (NLT): Don’t copy the behavior and customs of
this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you
think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
2. When the time is right I’m calling a family
meeting to address the complexion prejudices in my family. I don’t believe
they teased me maliciously and I doubt they realize how much it has affected
me, but unless I say something about it and create healthy boundaries, they
will continue, not necessarily with me, but with the next generation.
I
have learned that the emotional issues that we have been dealing with are a
direct attack against us from the enemy and that he uses words as his primary weapon. Words can be powerful forces that build up or
tear down and kill. I have also learned
that our words determine our future: He
who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from troubles. (Proverbs 21:23 NLT) Watch your tongue
and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble (NLT) When the
enemy throws a distraction you have to be able to recognize it and hold your
tongue, whether it’s from cussing somebody out, being nice-nasty, speaking
negative words over yourself or someone else.
My "aha" was learning that our number one weapon is the name
of Jesus Christ. Everything in the earth
and heaven, bows to the name of Jesus and that includes the enemy. We don’t
have to give into him beating us up with his accusations that we are not good
enough, pretty enough, thin enough, light enough anymore.
Therefore,
God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name
above all other names, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in
heaven and on earth and under the earth.
Philippians 2:9-10 (NLT)
Sis, having
the surgery is not a bad thing there are just risks you have to consider. I know it’s God’s will for us to be in good
health and this could be the jump start that you need, but it won’t work if you
sabotage the surgery and continue making Wingstop runs at 11 o’clock at
night. God is not gonna leave heaven to
snatch chicken wings dripping with hot sauce out of your hand. They both cracked up laughing.
Paisley
was floored by Fresca's level of confidence and eagerly agreed to see the
psychologist before she made a final decision on the surgery and then finished
off her double cheese burger and fries.
Earlier in the
lesson Paisley wondered if the surgery was God’s will. I am sure that many of us had uttered that
statement at one point or another. I
know I have but what I recently discovered is that I was subconsciously using
that phrase as a way of covering God so just in case I didn’t get the request I
could fall back on “Oh, I guess it wasn’t God’s will”. Basic needs are always God's will for our
lives. For example: If you’re unemployed and you find a job that you
really want because (money, schedule, type of work, fits your life plan, etc.),
you passed the drug screen, background check, etc. and they offer it to you out
of ALL the hundreds of people that applied, that's a pretty good indication
that you should probably take it. Or,
You’re battling anxiety/worry: Stop
pressing rewind on your thoughts! You think about it, think about it, think
about it, think about it until you give yourself a migrane, and then wonder why
you're depressed and ask God to "take the drama away". He’s not going to do what you can do for
yourself, which is to stop thinking about it. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts
on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable.
Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8(NLT)
Trust
your instincts; God put them there for a reason. Pay attention; it’s free.
In
His Humble Excellence,
Tania
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