This week's blogs have focused on single women positioning themselves for a husband in Relationships Pt. 1-3. The million dollar questions to the four Older Grownup Girls referred to as the OG Girls are mentors to four Young
Adult Girls (Destiny, Judage, Hatrel and Setelya) who are in their mid to late
twenties. There were some intense
moments during yesterday's blog which got a little heated, but it
was necessary, in order for the hard truth to come out. We pick up today's blog with
Grace addressing the group in true elegant form with wisdom she has gained over
the years and the leading of the Holy Spirit.
"So often younger people try to discount the wisdom
that shows up to assist them on their journey, which can show up in more than
one form: e.g. an older woman, older
man, life experiences, even a line in a movie or book that presents itself as
an “aha” moment and of course the word of God.
Wisdom is available more often than we think but because the “answer” to our life's journey and/or purpose doesn't always show up the way we think it
should, we discount it or them. There
was a time when young people valued the advice of the older generations,
especially women and men of the church and not just Preachers, but the “Saints” because they were so trustworthy. I
say "were" because so much carnality has spilled over in the “church”
that it can be challenging to trust “church folk” who at times can be
guilty of having diarrhea of the mouth and/or have lives that are as raggedy as the
ones they often prejudge. Yes was yes,
no was no and if they committed and couldn't follow through with the commitment
they would tell you up front. We applaud
you girls for putting your life on hold to hang out with the most fabulous,
foxy, frisky, faithful, fun-loving forty and fifty year olds you will ever
meet. I guess the torch has been passed
to me to complete the answer to the questions you raised.
This was never
intended to be a therapy session although Faith and I are very capable of
making it one, we absolutely acknowledge the leading of the Holy Spirit because
we prayed about who should join us on this trip and we asked him to direct our
conversations, activities, even our quiet time. I believe the original
questions were:
•
How do you find a
good man?
•
What do you look
for in a husband?
Faith was the first
to respond by answering a question with questions which were: Do you want a good man
1
Thessalonians 5:21 (NLT): But test everything that is said; hold on to what is
good. If you want a sugah
daddy, I charge for that class so you'll have to schedule a date and time
later and its cash only. Assuming you have decided you want a husband
the next step is to decide what you want in a husband. Do you know how many people skip this step
and end up settling? There are some
pre-requisites that should not be negotiable:
He must be a Christian, he isn't MARRIED (his divorce is final) and he is employed or wealthy which he needs to prove (and demonstrate that he is a good steward of his
time and money?)
...what God has joined together, let no man separate. Matthew 19:6 (NLT)
•
Do you want him:
tall, short, black, other ethnicity, fat, skinny, athletic build, it doesn't
matter, kids, kidless, older/younger than you, certain hobbies, special
interests, personality type, etc. It's
important to know what you want so you aren't wasting your time with people
that do not meet the pre-set criteria you created. What; you thought you couldn't decide? Of course you can. I
tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received
it, it will be yours. Mark 11:24 (NLT)
•
Write your
specifics down (digital format or pen and paper) whatever works for you: “Write down the revelation and make it
plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. Habakkuk 2:2 (NIV)
This will help you avoid pitfalls as long as you are true to yourself
because your heart may play tricks on you when someone comes along that's not a good fit for you but if you follow your pre-set criteria you can bring things back into check by reading the list
you created, with your head and not your heart.
•
Present that list
to God, tell him about it and thank him in advance for giving you the desires
of your heart, but be open enough to him that if there is anything on the list
that doesn't line up with his purpose for you that you're ok with it. For example:
you want a husband with a 12 pack who is 6'2", 195 pounds of solid
muscle that looks like somebody out of a GQ magazine.
Hope’s answer to the question: how do you find a good man
was: You have to find yourself first: Who are you? What are your morals and
values? Do you even have any? What do you like? What makes you happy? What are your weaknesses? What are your strengths? What keeps you
going? What makes you sad? Can you balance a checkbook? Do you keep your word? Can you be trusted with someone's intimate
secrets, how about their heart? Can you
cook? Are you submit to leadership (if
you can't submit to leadership you probably won't submit to your husband). Wives, understand and support your husbands
by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master. (Colossians 3:18 MSG) If you are lacking in any of these areas, now
is a good time to work on them while you are single. You may never master certain areas, but you
can try, if it's not your forte' perhaps your husband will be strong in that
area. If you discover both of you are
weak in a specific area, e.g. money management, keep goin, keep goin, keep
goin, keep goin, keep goin, keep goin there’s another one out there.
Lovely’s answer to the question how do you find a good man was: Stop looking so hard. She remained single AND
celibate for 21 years. I realize that in
this day and age it's hard to believe but contrary to what society says, it
is possible to live a healthy, happy, fruitful life without committing
fornication up to and/or including sexual intercourse. Once you’ve done the work that Faith and Hope
suggested now you are in position to allow things to happen naturally and wait
while you wait. It's not your job to
find him that would be out of order. Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV): He who finds a
wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.
·
There is no wiggle room in this text. “He who FINDS a WIFE. The man finds the woman and when he does he
finds a good thing. I believe that God honors marriage between a man and woman even if they are not born again believers, however, they will not have the same benefits and perks that believers have. To be clear, the MAN finds the WIFE
period." If you don't like it, take it up with the God who designed it, I'm just the messenger.
·
That doesn’t mean pray and stay at home. Attend events outside of your church: workshops, church
functions, conferences, social gatherings, mixers, join a network marketing company, etc. Not
advertising your body but gaining knowledge as you put yourself in position to be found.
· Make sure you're neat when you leave the house. You don't have to be in full gear and make up but definitely no pajamas, rags and rollers in your hair, looking toe up!!! Be neat whenever you step out the house even if you're going to work out. You never know when you will attract the man God has designed for you.
In
closing we use the same faith fight principles (fasting, praying, declaring, studying
-- about marriage, wives, husbands, submission, etc.) when we are believing God
for any other break through.
In His Excellent Service
In
all honesty, this is exactly what I did when I custom ordered my husband, Carl,
and God gave me everything I asked for 26-1/2 years ago. I wanted a tall, handsome, knowledgeable man who would be an asset to my life and an example to my children. I wrote my list out, I prayed over it, thanked God in advance and from that point on I prayed for my husband ALL the time. I didn't know who or where he was but I knew he existed somewhere. I asked God to keep him, encourage him and to help us to identify each other when the time was right. Carl and I honor the institution of marriage and
we are committed to the commitment we made to God and to each other as Hebrews 13:4 (NLT) says: Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful
to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and
those who commit adultery.
Carl and Tania cheezin'
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