We ended yesterday’s declaration (blog) with a partial
answer to Destiny’s question: How do you
find a
The next morning the aroma of coffee, freshly baked
rolls, bacon and eggs was enough to wake anybody from a sound sleep. The younger Girls were informed that when
they smelled breakfast it was gathering time.
They got themselves together and headed for the dining room where
Faith’s housekeeper/chef had an elegant breakfast spread on the table that was
so beautiful the younger Girls didn’t want to mess it up. It looked like something straight out of
Martha Stewart’s magazine. To capture
the moment each of them took out their cell phones and started posting on
social media sites. After their morning
pleasantries and blessing over the food they all satisfied their taste buds
with the delectable goodies that laid before them. Setelya was eager to begin the conversation
where they left off last night because she could identify with Faith’s story of
being raised by a single parent and the fantasy wedding. She was so mesmerized by the “things” Ab was
able to provide for Faith that she completely missed the undertone of the
message which was that Ab was a whoremaster with an insatiable sexual appetite
that could not be satisfied because it was really a symptom of a much deeper
problem. There was no doubt that Faith
loved Ab to this day, but she refused to pay the cost of subjecting herself to
sharing her husband with anybody, no matter how much money he made or how fine
he was and sweetie, Ab was beyond fine.
Setelya decided to “show” the OG Girls how deep she was so
she started the conversation by trying to impress them with her knowledge of
the word. She announced to the group
that she was on a quest to be just like the Proverbs 31 woman. Poor thing, she had no idea that Proverbs 31
was not about a literal woman but an old Jewish poem that was shared by a woman
with her son. She bragged about not
having any children, saving herself for the right man, blah blah blah. Ironically before coming on the trip Hope was
training a small group of nurses on the Medical Information Network that had
recently replaced the analog system for Walter T. Rivers Hospital in Dallas,
Texas. The System Programmers randomly
selected medical records of patients throughout the country for students to use
as practice files. One of the students
did something to lock his practice file on the screen and when Hope went to
help the student Setelya ‘s medical records were on the screen which displayed
the last 10 procedures, three of which were abortions and one was treatment for
an STD. You could have knocked Hope over
with a feather but in hindsight she knew something was off about Setelya
because she was so superficial.
Obviously she couldn’t divulge the information the Holy Spirit allowed
her to see due to patient confidentiality so she prayed that God would give her
what to say and how to say it without crushing this confused young woman that
had church hoe tendencies. When she
finished speaking, Hope addressed the Girls by sharing her search for a good
man.
Hope asked the Girls to close their eyes and imagine
themselves trapped in a vehicle that had plunged into a river and was quickly
filling with water. Now imagine yourself
finding an air pocket in the back of the vehicle but you had to hold your head
up with your nose near the roof of the car to breathe. You have two choices: stay there and hope
that someone will rescue you soon or take a deep breath and rescue
yourself. Now open your eyes. That was my life up until I was 17 years old,
pregnant by my mother’s boyfriend who raped me repeatedly. My mother pretended that she didn’t know what
was going on because she was too afraid to stand up to him for fear of being
alone and losing the things he gave us.
I lost that baby to a miscarriage but I found my voice and freedom. I left my mother’s house 27 years ago and I
didn’t return until I was able to forgive her and that was only two years
ago. But the journey during that 25 year
period was full of curvy windy roads some of which led to dead ends,
cul-de-sacs, one way streets and others to quiet peaceful places that allowed
me to heal, think, rest and gather courage and strength for the rest of my journey.
Obviously I had no sense of marriage either
based on what I just shared but I was desperate for a man’s love because I
never had it as a child so I gave myself to the first guy that bought me the
things I wanted. I got pregnant, he
wanted to marry me and I needed a secure roof over my head so I said yes. Two years later we were divorced because he
couldn’t decide whether he wanted to be with me or another man and I wasn’t
sharing. Even though we were divorced I
stayed in the house until I found steady income. I met my second husband while attending night
school. He had a car a really nice
house, great medical benefits and loved my son like he was his own. After he agreed to pay my way through nursing
school we drove to Reno and got married but he was a wimp, he did whatever I
told him to do and after a while I got bored with him. I got pregnant and aborted the baby because
being pregnant was an inconvenience at the time. My
third marriage lasted for about three months and it’s not even worth mentioning
other than I aborted the baby from that marriage too.
I didn’t have any personal role models that I
could pattern my life after, but I got on my knees one Sunday after church and
asked God to help me and he overshadowed me with his love. I realized I needed direction because even I
knew my decisions to marry weren’t really decisions at all, they were more like
spontaneous events that happened repeatedly.
I will never forget being at a really low point in my life because it
was a mess. I wanted to be a good person
and live a life for God like everybody else seemed to be doing but I didn’t
know how and instead of people reaching out to help me, they hated on me except
Mother Ollie May Gooding. I will never
forget the invitation she gave me to have lunch with her. She was a quiet but powerful woman of God and
it was hard to get anything past her.
When you were in her presence you could just feel the love of God
exuding from her pores. That was the
best spiritual meal I ever had in my life.
She poured so much wisdom in me over the next few years that I grew by
leaps and bounds so quickly that it almost scared me. She taught me how to love my son and provide
for him regardless to whether I ever got married again. She taught me what it meant to completely
sell out to God, not to a piece of tail and use men for what they could do for
me which is what I did because it’s what I saw my mother do. She said: “baby, that ain’t nothing but hoeing
from your house instead of the corner.” I
almost fell face forward when she said that.
Then she said: ‘You look like you saw a ghost. What’s the matter wit’ you girl, you think
cause I’m old, I don’t know what time it is?
I know what a hoe is, you use it in the garden of life” and we both fell
out laughing. I told her everything about
my raggedy life including the abortions and clinic visits, all of which happened
while I was in the church. She is the
most nonjudgmental person I have ever met.
Mother did something no one else ever did, she challenged me to become
the church so God could use my messed up life for his glory. When I did, God sent my husband, Charlie and I
love that man to life. God is so
merciful, not only to I have an amazing husband, he blessed us with Blessing
and she is our absolute joy. I promised
God that I would help the women in my world avoid the mistakes I made if they
were willing to listen. So in answer to
your question: How do you find a good man? I would say first you have to find
yourself.
I’m out of time, we’ll pick it up tomorrow.
In His Excellent Service
Tania not Tanya
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