The Pain of Change

Laray just turned 15.  Her parents Larry and Riana call a family meeting to announce that Larry got a

promotion but it requires that the family relocate to Virginia.  Her mom is really excited because she has extended family in Virginia, the school system is the best in the Country and they will be closer to their eldest son, Byron, who is attending Howard University. Larry plans to leave in the next few weeks to get settled and look for housing and the rest of the family will join him there in the summer.  Laray is devastated and doesn’t want to go.  She is concerned about her friends, a new school, etc.  Her parents can see how upset she is so Larry decides to talk with her separately about it.  He tries to identify with her anxiety by expressing some of his concerns as an adult, moving to a new location, a new job, etc.   But Laray still doesn’t want to go.  Four months after moving to Virginia, Laray misses her friends, but she has met cousins who are similar in age, several of her cousins attend the same school so making friends isn’t as stressful and she has her own room now!  But she also realized something else: her dad doesn’t work as late as he used to, both parents seem happier, and they actually eat dinner as a family together every night.  Laray has even noticed that she is not as stressed as she was before the move (due to her parents constant arguing).   Maybe moving to Virginia was a good idea after all.  

How many of us can identify to the anxiety of changing?  If I took a poll, I would imagine 90-95% of the population does not like change.  Why? You can probably answer that question far better than I can but let me take a stab at it through my reality lens:

·       The learning curve is a drag

·       Change can hurt

·       Change can be scary

·       Changing to something unfamiliar kicks us outside our comfort zone, which ushers in another layer of indecisiveness in and of itself.

The anxiety of the unknown and all the “what if” scenarios that play themselves out in our minds can be unbearable:  For example:

·       What if I fail (but what if you don't)

·       What if it doesn’t work (but what if it does)

·       What if it “people” don’t accept it and/or me? (but what if they do AND who cares?)

·       What if this, what if that, what if ….. (you fill in the blank)

We become overwhelmed with the “what-if” syndrome and rather than take the chance we put it off (the activity of change) or we give up altogether.

It’s not that people don’t have dreams, ambitions, goals, etc., they just have challenges with change which is predominantly self-induced terror.  People literally terrorize themselves with worry.  They are chained with negative anxiety, gagged with confusion and the “you bet’ not do nothing” bully looms over them with his baseball bat daring them to try to do something different or outside the box.  So they cower and do absolutely nothing, at least in most cases.  Think about it.  You are faced with a decision: do I go left or right; start or stop; buy or sell; listen to him or her?  You play ping pong in your brain so long and hard that you literally need to shut down before you snap, which is fine, but most people don’t want to go back to that scary place of indecisiveness so they make excuses, not necessarily to other people but to themselves.  At the end of the day excuses only satisfy those who make them and before they realize it 10, 15, 20 years has passed them by and they fall for the “it’s too late to do it now” excuse.

They DECIDE to hunker down and settle for what is already not enough, and I don’t just mean money.  I’m talking about depleted relationships, their fulfillment tank is empty, they have little to no self-worth and nightmares instead of dreams.  If they are not careful, these same dreamless people can become cynical, bitter, mean and scoff at “hate on” you because you have a dream.

Listen to me, please!!!  We have ONE shot at this thing called LIFE.  You might as well live it to the fullest, because you won’t get a second chance.  If you can still fog up a mirror when you breathe, you can still go for your dreams.  You may have to modify them, but you can still do it.   

Where do I start?

            Make a decision

What’s next?

Lay out your plan: who, what, when, where, why

Then the Lord answered me and said, write a vision, and make it plain upon a tablet so that a runner can read it. There is still a vision for the appointed time; it testifies to the end; it does not deceive.  If it delays, wait for it; for it is surely coming; it will not be late. Habakkuk 2:2-3 (CEB)

·       Get it out of your head and put it on paper

·       Make it clear, put the plan in some type of order so it can be easily understood by the “RIGHT PEOPLE” who can help you achieve your goals;

·       It (the opportunity) won’t materialize on its own, you must:

o   Prepare, then prepare and then prepare

·       Be actively patient -- use the waiting time to learn

·       It can never hurt to be an excellent follower, first. Find someone who is doing something similar to your dreams and model them and/or ask them if they would be willing to coach you.  If your vision is to lead people, following will help you to become an excellent leader.

How much will it cost?

If one of you wanted to build a tower, wouldn’t you first sit down and calculate the cost, to determine whether you have enough money to complete it? Otherwise, when you have laid the foundation but couldn’t finish the tower, all who see it will begin to belittle you. They will say, ‘Here’s the person who began construction and couldn’t complete it!’ Or what king would go to war against another king without first sitting down to consider whether his ten thousand soldiers could go up against the twenty thousand coming against him? And if he didn’t think he could win, he would send a representative to discuss terms of peace while his enemy was still a long way off.  Luke 14:28-32

Consider the cost.  How much will it (your dream) cost in dollars?  How much will it cost in time? Have you done your research?  Have you talked with your spouse/significant other about your plans? Do you have a support system in place?  Can you do it without one (Um, I think it's necessary, but it's your call)?  It won’t be a cake walk, but then again nothing worth having seldom is.  You will be uncomfortable, but you can take it.  It will cost you something because everything does.  The question for you is, are you willing to pay the price?  If you are, congratulations.  Roll up your sleeves and let’s get busy.  

If you’re not, it's your choice.  Don't beat yourself up because the Committee (Shudda, Cudda, Wudda) will do that for you free of charge.  Here's what will happen, you will live your life full of regrets which sends out an immediate stress call for them ... Shudda, Cudda, Wudda to show up more often than you care to entertain them.  They will show up unannounced at the most inopportune times (e.g. while you're trying to fall asleep, wake you in the middle of the night, during a sermon at church, at work, in the doctor's office, the middle of a conversation, etc.) and in most cases they will stay permanently.  They only way they will leave is if the Holy Spirit serves them with an immediate eviction notice and puts them out of your mind and replaces them with Peace that surpasses all understanding.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7 NKJV)

In His Humble Excellence

Tan