It’s
important to understand the love of God the Father and the love of God the Son
because we were created in their image, in their likeness. Understanding their definition and way of
loving will help us to model our lives after them. This is important for every Believer, but
especially for those who did not have a Father’s love as a child, not
necessarily because the father was missing, but if that father’s love was
deficient, perverse or lacking in any way, our view of a father’s love may be
distorted. The irony of a “good”
father’s love would still be insufficient as compared to the unconditional love
of God the Father, because a natural father has limitations whereas God the
Father has none. However, we would at
least have a benchmark from which to start.
We
have learned that God the Father and God the Son are unconditional lovers. While it is not in our nature to love
unconditionally, we can strive for it and in those times and/or areas in our
lives that we find it challenging to love, we must be willing to die to self
and love anyway. We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ
so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin.
Romans 6:6 (NLT). While it may not
come natural for us to do certain things, like love those who “hate on us”; are
jealous or envious of us; have lied on us; abused us in every way imaginable, or
offended us, etc. God commands us to love.
There is no variable or exception.
But how can God ask me to love someone who has wronged me? Simple, because He loved you when you wronged
Him. God will never ask anything of us
that is impossible, that will harm us or that will cause us to fail in some
way. NEVER. He loves us too much. The only reason it would be hard for you to
love someone that has harmed you in some way is because you have un-forgiveness
in your heart. You have a choice to
make; you can forgive your offender or not, but remember, everything costs
something. The price is as follows:
· You can make a
conscious decision not to forgive and God will not forgive you; He will cut you
off; you will not have the advantage of the customized life plan and blessings created
just for you. You will not have His
protection and you will most likely attract some kind of life threatening
illness that will cause you to suffer unnecessarily because you have allowed
the unresolved issues to fester in your heart and soul, producing negative
thoughts/images of the offense(s) over and over and over and over creating a
toxic environment in a weak area of your body making yourself susceptible to
disease; or
· You can make a
conscious decision to forgive, crush pride and tell the offender you forgive
them. This will produce an instantaneous
feeling of freedom, like weights have magically lifted. It will give you the liberty (freedom) to be
in the same room with your offender without it bothering you? God will establish you, cause you to prosper
in the things your heart desires as well as the assignments He gives you. His anointing will rest over your life, there
won’t be anything that He will withhold from you. You will walk in authority and show others
how to do the same, just by your example.
Blessed when you go; blessed when you come and you will feel good about
your choice in the long run.
Forgiveness
is more about obedience to God then it is to releasing the offender, though
that is important. God will reward us
for our obedience and not always in money, but if you have good health, peace
that is unexplainable, genuine joy, healthy relationships, etc. you are rich.
Victory
Nugget: Forgiving offenders doesn’t mean that you are
now best friends and that you can’t have healthy boundaries. Depending on the offense, it may not be wise
to be in the company of your offender.
Forgiveness means you have released the person from the offense and yourself
from the bondage of the offense. It is
more for you than it is for them.
You may not have
realized this, but the un-forgiveness that you hold on to, nurture and care for
is nothing more than a wall of protection that you have built up – mentally –
to protect you from further hurt, at least that’s what you believe. That wall may have changed who you really are
by shielding people from getting in (near the area of hurt you’ve been trying
to protect) but it also traps you. You
are trapped by the very wall that you use to “protect” yourself. That’s a real live Catch-22. There is a measure of vulnerability that goes
along with forgiveness and that is the core of what we try desperately to
protect because we don’t want to experience that hurt ever again. The vulnerability may be misunderstood or
translated in our minds as weakness and/or them being in control, however, it
is the absolute opposite, you are in control when you forgive, because you are
in charge of your emotions, not the offender.
The power of forgiveness liberates you from the customized walls that
you created, liberating you from the bondage of un-forgiveness. It really has nothing to do with the person
acknowledging or validating your hurt, because they may not, but if they don’t
it has nothing to do with your liberation and rest assured they will be in a
worse predicament than you were because God will deal with them in due time. All God wants is to free you from the burden
you have been carrying: Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary
and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me
teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for
your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the
burden I give you is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT)
In some cases and depending on how deep the
hurt, forgiveness can be a process. I am
not justifying it, I’m just speaking from experience. However, the
challenge is holding on to the unresolved issues for too long. How long
is too long? I don't have a definitive
answer but I can say that you must constantly examine yourself and if it’s
still there, you have to ask God to help you resolve it. The next phase
is facing your offender to acknowledge that you forgive them and to ask for
their forgiveness if applicable.
What? Why should I ask for
forgiveness? If you have been holding
onto unresolved issues blaming the offender for this, that and the third;
talking about them like a dog; exemplifying unkind behavior towards them, then
you need to apologize. It’s not
necessary to go into details and get into a debate or justification about your
actions but it must be genuine. It can
be as simple as: “would you forgive me for my actions towards you?”
The exception to the rule:
if your offender is not available for you to physically speak with (e.g.
death, incarceration, unable to locate) and/or if it is not safe for you to
speak with the offender (for a variety of reasons), writing out your statement
of forgiveness to them and request of forgiveness from them may be an
option. If it can be mailed to them,
that would be appropriate, however, if safety is a concern, ensure that you do
so discretely. For those who cannot
reach an offender(s), after you write out your statement, read it out loud and
then burn it. To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty
for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise
instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that
the Lord has planted for his own glory. Isaiah 61:3 (NLT)
The
only way to truly forgive is to trust God with your hurt and to forgive in
love.
In
His Eternal Love
Tania
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