Peace Pt. 3

Jessica was always taller than her classmates and friends.  She even towered over her parents at 6’1’.  She was self-conscious about her height and angry during puberty.  The only time her dad, Chester, saw her really happy was when they spent time with his family in Connecticut, where she got her height.  Unfortunately the 3,000 mile distance made it difficult for her to be with them as much as she liked.  When Chester asked what she wanted as a gift for her high school graduation, he was dumfounded when she responded that she wanted to spend time with his family in Connecticut.  There was nothing wrong with her request, it just threw him off because she had talked about a car for graduation since her first day as a sophomore and he would have gladly obliged her because of the significant change in her attitude and her grades as an honor student.  He sat in the living room and reflected on the events that took place the past few years. 

His wife of 10 years whom he loved and adored as much as he knew how, decided one day that she

no longer wanted to be a mother or a wife.  He did his best as the priest, provider, protector, husband and father of his home, but the closer he got to God the wider the gap between them seemed to increase.  She was more interested in a single life while being married, partying and listening to her family, all of whom were single bitter women with baby daddy drama. Out of nowhere, Cristal, his ex-wife moved out of the house and filed for a divorce.  He was devastated but his girls fell to pieces.  As he recalled those events, he had an epiphany and realized it wasn’t all of a sudden.  The signs were there, he just had his head in the sand of denial because so many of his church leaders told him that as the man it was his responsibility to take a stand against sin and force her to come to church.  That never sat well with him and though he did follow their lead initially, he stopped because of Cristal’s resistance and instead decided to love her where she was, believing that he could love her back into wholeness or that she would get past whatever phase she was going through.  If there are any regrets it’s that he didn’t follow his instinct to take a step back sooner and that he didn’t accept the referral to a Christian marital counselor from a non-denominational pastor friend. 

Nothing prepared him for the devastation that he saw and experienced with his children, Jessica and Jasayah who were 14 and 8 at the time of the divorce.  Jasayah had her moments of crying especially when she saw her big sister crying but it didn’t seem to faze her as much, in part he thought because Cristal didn’t bond with Jasayah.  He was no expert but it seemed like her maternal instinct packed up and left because he was the primary caretaker since Jasayah’s was a newborn.   It was harder on Jessica who experienced her mom’s rejection though she tried desperately to please her mom so she shut down and became an angry teenager.   It hurt Chester to see his daughter fight a losing battle so valiantly.  He tried to explain to Jessica that it wasn’t her fault but it seemed to do no good.  Cristal didn’t like herself, she was a broken bitter woman that hid her true self for as long as she could and was too weak and selfish to fight for anyone other than herself.    

He didn’t look back from a place of hurt or being stuck, but a place of thanksgiving to God for blessing him to raise such amazing daughters with the help of his sister, Nettaree.  She was the realist woman he knew, besides their mother, who loved God more than she did her own life.  She was a blessing to the girls but a God-send to him.  She put everything on hold for a year to help him with the girls.  As a licensed psychologist and senior partner in private practice she dealt with similar cases quite often but more importantly she has a ministry of peace and reconciliation.  She taught them how to forgive, release and move on from a place of Christ-centered peace.  However, her lessons to him were more intense as she taught him how to engage the enemy from a strategic vantage point using the weapons that God provided for every battle that we face.  He was familiar with spiritual warfare, but not as Netta taught him, which was:

·       Fast:  However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.  Matthew 17:21 (NKJV); My knees are weak from fasting, and I am skin and bones.  Psalms 109:24 (NLT).  Chester had fasted so much, so often that he had lost and kept off about 20 pounds.  He was hungry for God and wanted healing for his daughters more than he wanted to breath;

·       Pray: He read books on prayer and had the discipline of praying down to a science: the position of, when to, what to, how to, who to pray for and when to stop.  If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14 (NKJV)

·       Study the Word:  he studied topics specific to his pain: forgiveness, healing, restoration, prayer.  With my whole heart have I sought thee: O let me not wander from thy commandments.  Psalm 119:10 (NLT); Work hard [Study] so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval. Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly explains the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15 (NLT)

·       Praise and Worship: It is impossible to praise God and be angry, mad or sad at the same time.  I will praise thee, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will shew forth all thy marvelous works.  Psalms 9:1; Praise ye the LORD. I will praise the LORD with my whole heart, in the assembly of the upright, and in the congregation. Psalms 111:1; Singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. Ephesians 5:19.  

In the process of seeking God he became a bona find God Chaser, not to say that he over spiritualized everything, because he did not, instead, he understood his journey, cause and his assignment in life more clearly than ever.   

For a fleeting moment it saddened him that he had spent so much time at one ministry only to discover that there was far more for him to learn than what he currently knew.  What was most troubling was how his church family judged him for the divorce which included alienating the girls and removing him from a senior position.  He made the decision to leave the ministry, not out of spite but because he wasn’t growing and he felt the release of the Lord years ago, he only stayed out of miss-placed loyalty.   So Jessica’s request confirmed what he had already been contemplating, relocating back to Connecticut to be with his extended family.  

He heard the girls call him for dinner but he stayed back long enough to wipe the tears from his face and get himself together.  The tears he shed slid down his caramel brown cheeks easily because they were tears of thanksgiving to God because he had done it again, answered his prayer.

In His Humble Excellence

Tania